下一站-彩虹？

这个post,是蛮久以前写了个开头，就不了了之了。。觉得这个标题很好，很恰当。

在香港搭地铁，在到达每一站前播音系统会把下一站的名字告知大家。就像新加坡的Next Station-Clementi一样。香港的呢，是“下一站-。。。？”

不知道上帝的安排，心中的忐忑，因为自己离上帝有一点距离。上帝安排给我的下一站，是彩虹吗？我不知道。我也不知道明天会带来什么。虽然我知道谁掌管明天，虽然我知道无论高山低谷，主已为你我预备；但心中，仍然有着自私，不肯放手的地方。

就仿佛像一个不听话的小孩，就知道爸爸即将回到家里一样，明明知道爸爸无论是安慰，无论指责被，都是为自己好。可是，自己又不想屁股开花。

是奖赏？是惩罚？是安慰？是带领？

嗯，能得知的一个结论就是，还是乖乖的祷告吧。无论如何，乖乖的祷告，at least 心里有个准备。。。

MS Surface

Got this from Pauline's blog on multiply. Seems quite cool, but couldn't wait until the whole thing loads as i was rather sleepy. The player was not showing up, so i switched to using youtube instead.

那時他們才信

Picked up an old devotional book today, it's titled <荒漠甘泉>. The words in today's reading indeed somehow talked to me, even reprimanding me. May the good LORD have mercy.

七月二十四日

『那時他們才信了祂的話，歌唱讚美祂。等不多時，他們就忘了祂的作為，不仰望祂的指教，反倒在曠野大起慾心，在荒地試探上帝。祂將他們所求的賜給他們，卻使他們的心靈軟弱。』（詩一百零六篇十二至十五節）

我們曾讀過摩西，『他恆心忍耐，如同看見那不能看見的主』（來11：27）。在上面一段記載裏，我們又看見以色列人和摩西剛好相反。他們只會在環境順利的時候歌唱讚美上帝；環境一改變，信心也隨著改變了。他們原應該安息在那看不見的永生上帝裏面的，可是他們卻被四圍物質的東西統治了。

有一群基督徒，他們的生活時冷、時熱；時高、時低；這是甚麼原因呢？就是因為他們被物質的東西佔住了，他們本該以上帝為中心的，卻去以環境為中心了。上帝願意我們在每一件事物上都看見祂，凡帶有祂信息的事物，一件都不能忽略。

剛才我們讀過以色列人，『那時他們才信了祂的話。』他們一直不信－直到看見了上帝的工作以後才信。當他們行近紅海的時候，他們對上帝還是懷疑的；但是當上帝為他們開了路，帶領他們過去，讓他們看見法老和他的全軍被水淹沒了－『那時他們才信。』

他們一直過著一上一下的生活，這是一種倚靠環境的心。這種信心，不是上帝所喜悅的。世界告訴我們應當『見而信』，但是上帝要我們『信而見』。寫詩篇的人說：『我若不信在活人之地得見耶和華的恩惠，就早已喪膽了』（詩27：12）。

親愛的讀者，你是單在環境順利的時候信上帝呢，還是不論環境怎樣，你總是信祂呢？－C. H. P.

信心是相信我們所不見的，信心的酬報，就是得見我們所相信的。－奧古斯丁（St. Augustine）

Last day

Clementi Lights

I took these pictures in Clementi. Probably it's because of Singapore's National Day, but these lights resemble Christmas (Orchard Road Style) more than National Day.

CeMNet - last official day

Yes, today was the last official day of work for me in CeMNet. And surprisingly enough, i don't have much to talk about it. Just to note and jot it down, for the record.

I will still be going back, on a goodwill basis. As prof Clement seem to still have something for me to do. Perhaps for another week or so.

And i am down with a cold. The weather was quite bad. Maybe it's because i'm sick, so my brain isn't working that well.

Guess i'll just end it here.

CeMNet (III)

It's already 2:39AM, Somehow i just don't feel like sleeping. So, while listening to the music of "Simply Loving You" by SOP, maybe i would just write another post about my 2 years in CeMNet.

It was a period of ups and downs. However, there is one period of time, that is really worth remembering. I call it the time when i seperated fruits from mp3 players.

Somewhere in april or may last year, after the ACM Multimedia 2006 conference, Clement held a meeting with me and 2 other students. He shared with us the advancements and what others in image processing research have been doing. One of the thing he shared was that Microsoft Research Asia has come up with a way to intelligently organize the search result of a image search.

Let me give you an example (and some might have heard this for many many times). Suppose a person googles the word "apple" to search for images. He might get a mixture of fruits, ipods, and Fiona Apple. So MSRA has developed a system to seperate the results of images into different clusters of meaningful groups. And so, i'm supposed to build on top of this, and be better than them.

It was horrible. Period.

I remembered i only went back once in a few months when the sun was just setting. Other than that, it was either the last bus, or 240. Most of the time i got back at around 2-3AM, and went straight back to work at 8AM. And deadline after deadline, problems after problems, it was just plain terrible. Boss gave me the look like he never saw anyone more stupid than i am. My work was constantly the subject of ridicule. What to do? I'm just a freshgraduate back then, trying to start to do some research. I developed bossophobia. That by walking pass his office, would give me such a scare in my heart everytime.

My paper was accepted. At the PacificRim Conference on Multimedia 2006. It was a conference with an acceptance rate of 15%. Honestly speaking, i had to admit that i was fortunate to be accepted. But boss replied me this after he received the news "Congratulations, but i was surprised". Apparently he was more upset that another better paper by other students was rejected. This could be due to poor reviewers giving random reviews, and as it goes, i just got lucky. Anyway, it just felt bad for me. (And this is only part of the story)

At the end of the day, i decided to quit my masters. Seeing no light at where i am currently. Boss also supported my decision. To be fair to boss, he was just being pragmatic. I have too many commitments, and i have indeed wasted too much of my time on useless stuff as well. It was sad indeed for me back then at around January this year when i decided to quit.

Call me stupid, if you will. I have taken this path, instead of what could be better or worse, considering the fact that i could be with A*Star's I2R, Lucas Films and so on (who gave me, or wanted to have an interview with me). But i must admit that i have learned through this experience, hopefully.

I always wondered and envied my peers. Those who went to uni together with me. Some of them working really well as an aerospace engineer, flying here and there to repair airplanes; as a banker in Switzerland; as a Statistician and an Investor earning big bucks; or even as my roommate who complains of how bad his pay is, and is getting SGD3800 per month.

It remains a scar in my heart. Have to pull it out. Or just plain forget about it. People like me sometimes fall into the trap of blaming others for their own misfortune. I must admit that i have failed, and i was the one who made the wrong moves and yes, i have to pay for it.

I guess i will have to rise again after i fall. Pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again.

CeMNet (II)

The place i work in is named CeMNet. The boss i work for is called Clement. Furthermore, i live in Clementi. What a coincidance. CeMNet is short for Centre for Multimedia and Network Technology, and is one of the largest research lab in the School of Computer Engineering, Nanyang Technological University.

Since this post is not just an intro of the lab, i'll be adding in my own opinions and comments about the place.

Firstly, it's partitioned to many cubicles. And the walls are indeed tall. Perfect for some reclusive researcher, or some slacker who is playing WarCraft, watching TV or sleeping. The students takes up the majority of the place, while we staff sit at one corner of our own. This again leaves me seperated from my whole research group.

Oh ya, you can have a look at my lab. I was in charge of taking care of the web cam to our lab. http://155.69.254.94/FYPWeb/SCE03-257/JVCCam.aspx (Haha) You can zoom in and out, and rotate the camera. If nothing appears on your screen, just refresh the browser.

Day in day out, i was at this lab, working (um...ya.. working). In fact, the lab itself was indeed quite a boring place, that i can't really think of what to write about it. Maybe, i'll talk about my other friends in the lab next time around.

One more week to go

It's thursday today. And this marks the starting of the last 7 days for me in CeMNet. I'll be leaving (on a jetplane?) next thursday. Probably it would be appropreate for me to write something in rememberance of the lab. Maybe i'll start off with the people in the lab.

This section outlines the people whom i have working relationship with (relax, everything will be politically correct, if you want the juicy version, email me):

1. Dr. Clement. My boss. What am i supposed to say? A straightforward person, who sometimes forgets things. Working with him, i have learned to be always pro-active, noting and jotting things down, and perfection.
2. Ms Oh and Ms Chua. The 2 lab executives (as they call it) of our lab. Typical Singapore law by law style. Everything must have a purpose, everything must be in black and white. By doing so, they do (in some sense) ensure that things don't get out of hand. (Must always be careful)
3. PET-DEVICE++ group members. Zhou Chen, Xu Min, Yi Haoran, Wang Huan, Chu Yang, Wang Surong, Hu Yiqun, Liu Song. All PRC. I was the only Malaysian in the team. Thank God for me being able to speak Mandarin. If not for them, my life would indeed be more difficult. Thanks for the help guys.
4. Cleaning Auntie. There were 2 aunties throughout my period in CeMNet. The first one was in some way, very cool. An old lady with very very few words (if any). The second was more friendly and approachable. Always keep the place clean and tidy for us. Thanks

That's all for now. Updates later.

dot dot dot ..... .... ... .. .

It's 1:44am now.

Somehow it just felt not right for a nice cozy sleep after that game of tennis. I reache home at about 11, did some things that i normally do, and some that i don't normally do. Watched the latest episode of 'On the first beat', read 'Our Daily Bread', the 'Bible in one year', prayed and now, blogging.

I have to update, at least just as a keepsake for my good old online journal. Journal is a nice word to use. Better than a blogpost, or a diary entry. 'Jour' is 'day' in French, where we have Bon Jour = Good Day, and Journey = a day's travel. Journal would roughly be a day's keepsake, perhaps.

Finding a job can be hard, or it can be easy. Sometimes it is just our point of view, and what we want from it. Money? Experience? Lessons? Life? Livelihood? Teamwork? Friends? I guess i have to organize and be clear of what i want, before i ram into anything that comes by. Money seems to be an issue, with my current financial state, yup, i would really love more money. (yeah, some of us will argue otherwise, saying i should not need so much anyway, yada yada yada...). Career advancement? I don't know. What i like to do most, might not be something that i deem able to contribute to society in a very positive way. (if you guys know what i wanted...)

Anyway,still finding. Still waiting for interviews, waiting for results, waiting for the time to pass out from CeMNet.

Note to self: must be more positive, must be more pro-active, must take on life's problems and "settle-kan dia" (Malay-English for Singlish's 'Settle it')

Writer's block. Don't know what to write liao (oops, singlish coming in). Sianz man. And yet i'm still feeling strong and awake.

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived a poor farmer and his son. The poor farmer worked very hard everyday, to make ends meet, and to ensure that his son gets a good education.

The chlid was very hardworking and diligent, spending many hours of his days to study, and eventually went to college.

What do you think happend to this child? What do you think that will befall the poor old farmer?

...

Penang

It's been a while since i last posted. Was chatting with kp and jingjing today regarding plans to go to Penang. Interestingly enough, i was at the national library one fine day and happen to spot a book on Penang hawker food. Here are some pictures.

A stall at the 大树下, a place near Cantoment road for roadside food.

The famed Char Koay Teow, served with banana leaf
Lam Mee 淋面,a mild but nice noodle dish
Penang curry mee, or laksa as they call it in Singapore

View from Hainan town, a restaurant that serves Hainanese food
Penang wet market
The book where most of the pictures came from. This is the fried noodles and curry mee stall in front of Air Itam Methodist Church
Chilly, red and green, all ready and waiting
The Penang Laksa, sour and hot, the way Penangites liked it

Books, deja Vu

I don't know when and why i started to like reading books. I think it was because of my elder brother. He was 3 years older than me, and he went to US to study when i was still in secondary school. Once when he came back, he brought home a book, the title is "The Color Purple". I read it. Then he brought back another book, "Angela's Ashes". I read it. My mum also likes to read, she brought a book, "Falling leaves", i read it. And many many more, soon enough, i also started to like reading.

Anyway, here's a list of the books that i have read (Mainly novels, i do read other books, just don't put them here)

Frank McCourt - Angela's Ashes

Frank McCourt - 'Tis

Tetsuko Kuroyanagi - Totto Chan

Alice Walker - The Color Purple

Cynthia Kadohata - Kira-kira

Mark Haddon - The Curios Incident of the Dob in the Night Time
Adeline Yen Mah - Falling Leaves

My first Minesweeper game

Done my first minesweeper game after numerous attemps to sit down and listen to "how to play" by my friends. A game this size should normally be done in 15 to 20 seconds while i did it in 227 seconds...

Some say it's a stupid game, but it's in fact a very mathematical game. In mathematics, it's a NP-complete problem to solve. Have a look at the full details of the game here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minesweeper_(computer_game)

Triplets Part 2

Where were we? Oh ya... we were talking about how these words combine..and how familiar they are...

众人。。lots of people
掱手。。是什么？是小偷！小偷是什么？小偷就是我们常骂的“三只手”！

毳（cuì）：会意。从三毛。本义：鸟兽的细毛。
毳毛。。医学上指人体表面除头发、阴毛、腋毛外，其他部位生的细毛。俗称“寒毛

And here's a list of the rest. Seriously, you might need to magnify the text size to see them.

飝(fēi) ： 刕(lí) ： 厽(lěi) ： 叒(ruò) ： 壵(zhuàng) ： 尛(mó) ： 孨(zhuǎn) ： 歮(sè) ： 惢(suǒ) ： 皛(xiǎo) ： 畾(léi) ： 嚞(zhé) ： 舙(qì) ： 譶(tà) ： 雥(zá) ： 灥(xún) ： 飍(xiū) ： 馫(xīn) ： 飝(fēi) ： 厵(yuán) ： 靐(bìng) ： 龘(dá) ：

See we have 皛(xiǎo) 。。how come。。皛白。。小白。。哈。。

These words are not really used that much now. Mostly in names. Can you imagine a boy with the name 龍龘, and his friend 丁一? What will happen when their teacher punishes them to write their name 100 times?

anyways, it's been fun. See if i can post more such things.

triple the power

Ok, some complained that i'm too pessimistic. So yeah, maybe i'm a bit depressed? Haha, well, as long as don't want to stay that way.

Ok, to have a change, let me blog about something interesting (to some people). Nothing personal, nothing out of the heart, just some interesting facts that i found.

Was with Jingjing one fine day in a hawker centre when we found the name of a stall to be something 淼 (miǎo), so we tried to think of all the chinese words that is made up of 3 simple words stacked together. but could only think of a few. I compiled a list of them...hahah.... enjoy. I'll highlight the ones i think cool

金木水火土（五行名称)
⑴鑫，读xīn，财富兴盛（多用于人名或字号）。
⑵森，读sēn,形容树林多。
⑶淼，读miǎo, <书>形容水大。用于渺茫，浩淼等词语。
⑷焱，读yａn，<书>火花，火焰。多用于人名。
⑸垚，读yａo，<书>山高。多用于人名。

动物
犇（bēn），“奔”的异体字，意思是急走、跑；急着去做。最牛的汉字当属“犇”，美中不足的是“犇”的字义不是特别牛。
羴，读shān，同“膻”。像羊肉的气味
猋，读biāo , ①迅速。②同“飙”，暴风
骉，读biāo，<书>许多马跑的样子
麤，读chū，同“粗”
鱻（xiān），“鲜”的异体。
赑（bì）。赑屃（bìxì）：传说中的一种动物，像龟。 This is one word where MinNan still uses. This is the tail-less tortoise. 车笑赑无尾。Tortoise laugh at the Tail-less tortoise.

人手口耳毛（人体五件)
众，读zhｏng，许多人。
掱，读pａ, 俗语三只手，即扒手。
品，读pǐn，物品，等级，种类等义。
聂，读niｅ，“聂”的繁体字。
毳，读cuｉ，<书>鸟兽的细毛。

A closer look at 口
15 品（pǐn），本义是众多。“品”从三口。口代表人，三个表多数，意即众多的人。
两个口，吕，甲骨文字形，象脊骨形，是“膂”的本字。本义：脊梁骨
三个口，品
四个口，█（该字实在是打不出来）（jí），众口。

of course, we have this one
晶（jīng）：甲骨文字形，从三日，表示光亮之意。本义：光亮，明亮

Note also how these words combine, and we have some very sensible words:
... (to be continued...)

Days of nothingness

It's been the third week in a row now. The thrid week where work slows down to a crawl. And it's not an easy thing to do. For those who think i'm a total "choe boe" person, "choe boe" your pig head lah.

Well, basically, i have 3 jobs given to me by my boss. Firstly, there is a programming job, which i have to liaise with a PhD student to do it. It's basically to create a web site that accesses his computer programme. But the problem is, this person (by the name of Colin) has gone back to his home country and is only contactable via email. So whenever i bump into a problem which i cannot solve, i have to email him, wait, and wait, for him to reply. If he's merciful enough, he'll reply within that day, normally it takes him one day to reply. I'm still waiting for his reply since last friday. At the mean time i can only try blindly.

Secondly, i am supposed to promote my project's website. The main aim, is of course to be on top of google's list, so that many many people may come by and visit. But this task is given to me, without any budget. So i have to do it the "free" way. Which is not entirely possible since people do pay google to be on their list and so on, or at least that page must be highly referenced.

Thirdly, i am supposed to continue development on a game that i created some time back. This game, offers the player no reward, no sense of tension whatsoever, who's going to play?

So most often i sit in front of the computer, blank, doing useless things like watching drama, checking email, and yeah, looking busy.

This have to change, i actually have to motivate myself, and somehow make myself useful i guess. These days of nothingness ain't fun at all. It's like standing in line, at the death row, wondering when will my boss come and wallop me up.

Mario Vs Sonic

Hmm.... interesting

...

This is a post from the lady who passed away because of overworking. It's sad. And the thing that saddens me more is the bunch of insensitive idiots that pass judgement and comments on her blog site. Can't you just say some words of comfort and let her soul rest? Do the talking in parliment, in MOM, in any other place, not on her blog site. for goodness sake.

I'm not going to comment on this one. It's really quite sad.

Worked Up, Stressed Up, Crashed Down

Apr 21, '07 10:08 AMfor everyone

I never know my limits til now... Getting a job was never ever easy and having something good sure have a sacrifice for something else. Coming a long line of different jobs and doing different things have got me realise just 1 thing - I could never stay too long in a job now. The longest would be in LTA for 7.5 yrs, that was my 1st job as a clerical officer. After that, it was all sorts of different jobs in different industry facing all sorts of difficulties. I came to HP started as an Admin Executive in Sep last year & changing to a Partner Support Manager in Mar just this year.

Just after getting this recent position, I was thrilled to finally have the chance to "fly high" in a Fortune 500 MNC. It's ok for me to wake at 3.30am to start work @ 4.30am everyday in the morning. But never did I realise what kind of stuff were coming towards me... What I face everyday as a partner support manager is having more than 100 emails per day (I'm not joking, they're no good ones), partners from New Zealand practically "screaming" to be served first, getting their orders delivered ASAP, wanting everything, complaining of everything. Month end was the most "exciting" part, you get to go on concalls almost everyday, prepare backlog reports for each concall session which consists of 500 over orders remaining undelivered, investigating item by item. That's just the qty. What abt the amount in $$? Millions of NZ dollars involved. I've got 6 large partners and these are what I have to handle. Besides, I've got to work at home during non-working hours including weekends, just doing my best to clear my work. Did I mention my team is really short-handed? Only 3 of us managers handling the whole of NZ. All for the sake of a salary just enough to keep myself alive for a month. I'm not earning like the other managers are cos I'm only a contract staff.

Taking over the duties of a colleague who just left on Thu made me realise that she was indeed a supergirl. The amount of workload she handled was a complete hell. I cannot imagine how she could handle all these for 1 year. She was so bloody happy to be able to quit this job. All her stress has been relieved & put on me. Well, great huh! My colleagues including me, dislike my boss. By the way, he just gave me more work to do, on top of other things! I don't know how to voice out to him that I'm so stressed up right now.

I've got myself sick these few days. Had diarrhea last Thu, hurt my knee and was limping badly since last Sunday, had breathlessness since Wed & fainted after work on that day at my office lift lobby, knocked my head against the wall when I fainted, collapsed again last night at home. Now my chest feels really tight & breathing is really tough. Getting up & walk, I just feel like I'm carrying a heavy baggage of few hundred kilos & I'll start to feel really weak & dizzy. Doc just said I'm really stressed out. sigh..... what should I do? Quit? or continue this ultra-super stressful job? I've got a contract of 6 mths to fulfill... 3 months to commit. If I quit now, I've got to pay back 1 mth's salary. Not worth it. If i quit after May, it won't be so bad. But I don't know if my health can tolerate til then. My mom's really worried & I can't do much to get less worried. Cos my focus was to earn lots of $. I really thought I was able to do everything, that I can be supergirl as well, but my health is worsening at a fast rate. Vitamin M(oney) isn't gonna cure my health. Just yesterday, I received an email from my job agency saying that a contract staff who's working in HP as well, passed away from heart attack, leaving his wife & kids... deja vu? coincidental? a warning sign? I dunno. I don't wanna end up dead for the sake of dough. The moral of the story is don't ever fall in love with your company or your job.

The Heart of Greed

Recently i've been watching this Hong Kong drama serial, and i must say, that it is very very disturbing. I don't know the word to describe such drama, but it seems that this genre originated from Taiwan. It's the 家无宁日 kind of film.

This type of film, is a bit different from 琼瑶. In her novels, you'll focus on the "lover pair" and feel sorry for them. But in these Taiwan and current HK one i'm watching, it's one 家无宁日after another 家无宁日scene. Very disturbing. At times i just cannot continue watching.

Anyway, the poster of the film. The cast is quite good actually.

Pligrim's Progress [1] 天路历程

As I walked through the wilderness of this world, I lighted on a certain place where was a den, [3] and laid me down in that place to sleep; and as I slept, I dreamed a dream. I dreamed, and behold, I saw a man clothed with rags, standing in a certain place, with his face from his own house, a book in his hand, and a great burden upon his back. Isa 64:6; Luke 14:33; Psalm 38:4. I looked and saw him open the book, and read therein; and as he read, he wept and trembled; and not being able longer to contain, he brake out with a lamentable cry, saying, “What shall I do?” Acts 2:37; 16:30; Habak 1:2,3.

In this plight, therefore, he went home, and restrained himself as long as he could, that his wife and children should not perceive his distress; but he could not be silent long, because that his trouble increased. Wherefore at length he brake his mind to his wife and children; and thus he began to talk to them: “O, my dear wife,” said he, “and you the children of my bowels, I, your dear friend, am in myself undone by reason of a burden that lieth hard upon me; moreover, I am certainly informed that this our city will be burnt with fire from heaven; in which fearful overthrow, both myself, with thee my wife, and you my sweet babes, shall miserably come to ruin, except (the which yet I see not) some way of escape can be found whereby we may be delivered.” At this his relations were sore amazed; not for that they believed that what he had said to them was true, but because they thought that some frenzy distemper had got into his head; therefore, it drawing towards night, and they hoping that sleep might settle his brains, with all haste they got him to bed. But the night was as troublesome to him as the day; wherefore, instead of sleeping, he spent it in sighs and tears. So when the morning was come, they would know how he did. He told them, “Worse and worse:” he also set to talking to them again; but they began to be hardened. They also thought to drive away his distemper by harsh and surly carriage to him; sometimes they would deride, sometimes they would chide, and sometimes they would quite neglect him. Wherefore he began to retire himself to his chamber to pray for and pity them, and also to condole his own misery; he would also walk solitarily in the fields, sometimes reading, and sometimes praying: and thus for some days he spent his time.

我在旷野里行走，来到一个地方，那里有个洞穴，我就在 那儿躺下睡觉：我睡熟了，做了一个梦。

唉，我梦见一个衣衫褴褛的人站在那儿， 背后就是他自己的房子， 他手里拿着一本书， 背上背着一件看来很重的东西。 我见他打开手上的一本书念着；他一面念，一面不住地流泪， 浑身颤抖着；他委实控制不住了，发出一声悲伤的呼喊：“我 该怎么办呢？”

就在这样极度苦恼的境况中，他转身回家去了。他强自压 制着，以免他的妻子和儿女们发觉他的悲痛；可是他不能长久 保持缄默，因为他的烦恼越来越厉害了。他终于把他的心事告 诉了妻子和儿女，他对他们这样说：“唉，我亲爱的妻子，你 们，我的亲生儿女，我是你们亲爱的友伴，我可要被那压在我 身上的重负毁了；并且我确实知道我们这个城市将要给天火烧 毁；在那场可怕的灾难里，我自己，你，我的妻子，和你们， 我可爱的儿女，都将同归于尽，除非我们能够想出一个逃生的 办法，可是到如今我还想不出什么办法来。”他家中的人听了 这番话，好生诧异；这并非因为他们相信他的话，而是他们认 为他的神经错乱了；因此，等到傍晚天快黑的时侯，他们希望 睡眠能够使他的神经镇静下来，就急忙打发他去睡觉。但是对他说来，黑夜和白天同样烦恼；因此，他不但睡不着觉，而且 整夜的叹息、流泪。后来，天亮了，他们急着要知道他的情形。 他告诉他们，更糟，更糟。他又开始对他们讲话；可是他们开 始狠起心来了。他们还想用强硬粗暴的态度来驱除他的怪病； 有时他们愚弄他，有时责骂他，有时根本不理睬他。因此他就 回到自己的房间里去为他们祈祷，一心的怜悯他们，同时他也 为自己的痛苦寻求安慰；他还独个儿在田野里徘徊，有时候看 书，有时候祈祷；他就这样度过了好多日子。

有一天我看见他在田地里走着，照常看着书，显出满怀痛 苦的神气；他一面看书，一面又那样大声喊着：“我怎么才能 得救呢？”

Pictures...

Some photos i found off the net, do tell me which one you all liked the most. Somehow i turned out to like photography, but wasn't really able to become really good at it. Never put in the effort i guess.

(i'm not the copyright holder of these images, if they belong to someone who is not willing to share, i'll take them down)

今日真系好闷。咩o也都作吾到。真系好晒时间啊。。。
o感闷，闷到要用广东话o黎写blog

本来系要帮个PhD学生做一个网页，但系o巨俾的资料又唔够。所以就要email o巨..又要等。。。

Sick

Among many illustrations in the Bible, i personally loved the picture of us being fallen, being sick patients waiting to be healed, and Jesus, God as the great healer.

A writer once said something like this, looking at the cruel history of Christianity, of all the roads that this faith has walked, all the sumbling blocks, all the detours, we can conclude that we are no better than any body else. But here's the main point, Christians aren't a group of elite people on earth, we are just a group of sick people, admitting we need help. All men have indeed fallen, and it's just by God's grace that we were once blind, but can now see that we are sick, and in need of help.

The Church today has many many denominations, some mock and hate each other, some greedy for money, some stay "super holy", some stay "super secular", and the list goes on. The Word of God itself, while some say there must be a representative to interprete, while other say it's Sola Scriptura. Fractions. In chinese the word to use is 一盘散沙。

At the end of the day, one thing i still hold fast is the absoluteness of God. He will judge and tell one day, who has been faithful to him, and who has been faithful to themselves. And it's no easy task for us to differentiate. An act of helping us to worship better, might be a selfish act in itself, for instance. I'm not getting into any topics now.

God must be very dismayed. It's already a few thousand years, for God's sake. But this just serves to prove that we, are indeed sick, and gravely ill. Spiritually. God's love is indeed great, and it's depth, can only be more then what's enough to take on the sea of our sins, betrayal, disrespect, dischord, and again, the list goes on.

Dear Lord, you came to heal us. Jer 3:22 Return, ye backsliding children, and I will heal your backslidings. Jer 3:22 你們這背道的兒女啊，回來吧！我要醫治你們背道的病。 But it's going to take our whole lifetime for it. Forgive us O Lord. Do You weep in heaven for us? Dear Lord, all the more we know we cannot come to You by our own fallen, limited understanding. Yet, the Holy Spirit seems so elusive to us. May we also act on what we can dear Lord. May our every step, be as an offering to You. Forgive us. Heal us.

In Jesus' Name. Amen

hmm....

It's been some time since i last posted something solid (or did i ever?). Probably i was occupied with a couple of things i guess.

Many things happened around the world as well. As well as poeple around me. We have a couple of shootings, a serious road accident, a case of cancer, a case of critical diabetes, exams, and the list goes on.

I also have some issues of my own too. Been feeling kinda down lately. Not exactly up and running. Work also have been stalled.

Can i conclude that this is a bad week? Can i say that this is one lousy week?

But this is just how we response, isn't it? While some people just can't seem to find a reason to cheer up, maybe i can? Maybe i can smile and hold my head up high, without being a bit Ah Q? You can, yes indeed, in fact, there are a few ways to it.

You can be a "can't-be-bothered" person. As long as these things doesn't happen to ourselves, why care? Who cares anyway?

You can be stupid. Yup, a stupid person couldn't even comprehend, much less feel for it.

You can be a person that sees all these as necessary. Just like a doctor who is helping a patient clean his wounds, the pain that the patient feels is an indication that the medication is indeed being applied at the right spot.

You can also believe that God is in control. And trust that His wisdom is far more greater than ours. And believe that, although we might not make sense of what is happening, but if we have our hope and trust in Him, we can indeed have peace.

I have not posses any of the above. i wish can be in the last category. But at the meantime, we struggle, we press on. Yup, there will be times when we are tired, then we rest. The road of pilgrimage is one bumpy journey, no less difficult.

P.S. i have yet to deal with all the issues i have mentioned at the beginning of this post.

Yet another day

Feeling a bit drowsy today, as i had not enough sleep yesterday. So thought of posting an image that somewhat reflects my mood today (joking...)

Just in some of you didn't get the idea of what i'm talking about, look at the signboard of the coffee shop.

On the lookout

Received an email this morning. A church elder sent an email to his church, calling all to go and support Benny Hinn. As he's in Singapore this coming weekend?


Anyway, i have heard about this guy before. Mostly negative. Do i want to tell you the negative stuff? There's a video that i found, very disturbing. Decided not to put here.

Anyway, I am also reminded that we must be careful not to judge too soon. If this guy is really working by the Holy Spirit, then we say bad things about it... must be careful. (Mark 3:29..hm...)

At the end of the day, this whole issue is not exactly about Mr Hinn. It's more about how do we stand. Yes, how do we stand.

How firm are our Biblical values? How sure are we of our Biblical knowledge? How much has it affected our lives, and the lives of our friends and loved ones? We can't just go around telling people that this person is false and that person is false, while we don't know the reason. But what do we do in the meantime? Do we just accept everything? Reject everything? Points to ponder i suppose.

I'm leaving this topic open. Eyes getting a bit droopy now. Should sleep.

P.S. I viewed my blog after i published this. The more i look at the video, the more i find it disturbing. (Most probably due to the music...bad music. Bad.) I'll probably be taking this post down (at least the video...) anytime soon.

基督教信仰与世界宗教及文化

Definately mind opening and intense. I'll be trying my best to be there. Join me? (Oh, you will need to click on the image to enlarge it.)

nothing

It's Monday.

A whole new week ahead. As i review my week, somehow i lack words to describe it. A little bit of everything i suppose.

However, i guess it's time to put a temporal halt to the gloomy emo blog posts. I'm not a motivator, i'm just a pilgrim, a struggling person on his way.

Anyway, a new week is about to dawn, and i guess it's going to be quite a busy week. Have quite a bit to do at work as well.

Response

Fools.

This is the word that describes us humans. Homo sapiens. Why, if Eve would know she was getting this kind of wisdom, would she eat it? It's a pretty bad deal, isn't it? Only us fools would be so gullible to believe. (A side note, and I'm again not saying anything bad about salesmen, but just an observation) We still do make the same choices now, don't we? We see television ads promising slim bodies, cleaner clothes, easier life, "at a very low price of SGD XX.XX" "CALL NOW!" We do, let's just admit it shall we?

But behind this, behind all these, i see that we are normally the passive ones. Like sheep, we wait, like it or not, we wait. We wait to be fed, wait to be chased by those pesky border collies to the open meadows, wait to be chased back, wait to be shaved, wait. In other words, we respond.

So how good do we fare? With our fallen nature, and fallen mind, my guess is that we have all failed. God gave us chances to grow, to be loved by Him. He prepared a spiritual family for us, He prepared ministry for us, He prepared so much for us. The so-called "green pastures". Yet, we respond in two ways...

like swines, we prefer to play with dirt. And believe me, dirt can be very fun. (figuratively speaking of course. By the way, scientific reports show that dirt makes people happy by working just the same as anti depressants)

like sheep, we wait until someone kicks us, until someone whoops us. And when that happen, we turn around, "huh?"-ed, and continue to stay put at our present state.

God so love the world, that He gave His only begotten Son. We happily receive, celebrates His birthday (with someone else, sometimes) and move on with our lives. So nice of buying a spiritual insurance. Leaving you without worries so you can go on and live life, your own way. We are saved, aren't we?

When will God's love grind our hearts so deep, until all the "old self" oozes out, completely? Do i really want to hit rock bottom before turning into a spiritual person? Do we all really wanted it this way? When will grace be really amazing in our hearts? When will it be etched so deeply in us? I thought we were once blind, but now we see? Isn't this what Newton sang? Then WE BECAME SHORT SIGHTED AGAIN, SEVERELY. So sad, isn't it?

So, the Great Physician, really is very great indeed. Greater then human understanding, if not we would say that He have failed. Very patient indeed. Well, of course time didn't matter to Him (besides the 33 years here..), but the heartache is really for Him i guess. Forgive us Lord, for we know not what we do.

The bottom line is, when will we be burning, like the bush that Moses saw, burning, but not consumed, potentially burning to eternity?

At the end of the day, Jesus did told us, that He is the Way. Way, meaning, a passage to carry one through, scientifically from point A to point B. Now, if the end point is perfect, then, we are imperfect, let's just make sure we are heading in the right direction, shall we?

P.S. Thanks to JJ and KP for replying. Listening ears are great. =)

Good Friday -- Part 2

It's already 1057pm. I'm trying to type despite the fact that i don't seem to have much to type. Nothing concrete, nothing of a form, nothing of enough substance. Nevertheless, i guess there are a few thoughts that i would like to ponder, and here's probably the place to think out loud.

It's Good Friday. In Jewish terms, it's already the second day. There's a name for this Saturday, is it Holy Saturday? Palm Sunday, Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and finally Easter Sunday. Wonder the fact that i don't think many of us know this (i must confess that i don't know, just checked it out on the net, a lame joke was that i thought Maundy was Monte..you know... Monte Carlo...hmm... imagine the difference in meaning...).

Somehow i have the idea that we should commemorate this day, and when people don't do that "for the whole day", i feel it's just not right. Of course, this event of our Lord being crucified should be commemorated each and every day, and not just 1 single day of the whole year. Then, somehow i feel it's just a bit not right. Let me just share from 4 events/thoughs i had today. A Classical Piece, A Good Friday Service, A part cell group part gospel rally, and Christmas.

There was supposed to be a cell group (i'm not telling which group) gathering today. And a person in the cell group emailed and say that he/she will not be going, and will rather spend time listening to Beethoven's Missa Solemnis. Some thought it was a book. I didn't think much about this, but coming to think of it, Beethoven writing a book? I went online to check and see, well, it's a classical piece that Beethoven composed and liked alot. Point: it's 17 minutes long (forgive me if i'm wrong). I either have to admire this person's ability to contemplate this song for the whole afternoon (i slept while listening to it), or to admire his/her straight forward attitude in rejecting "not so benificial" gatherings. (Again, i'm making judgements here, he/she might not be thinking this way). Anyway, exams are coming up soon. Or i'll have to dislike his/her style of being a little snobbish. (yes, i'm making judgement here again, please do not follow my example...)

Went to my Church's service this morning. Was late, as i was watching a drama serial downloaded on my computer. Was sleepy throughout the service. This serves as a reminder how weak i am. Emotional one minute, indifference the next. Well done.

Went to the abovementioned cell group in the afternoon. Somehow i find it a bit hard to play games in Good Friday. I was a little apprehensive at first when reading the email, as there will be ice breaking games as this is a combined cell group gathering. At the end of the day, it turned out to be a Gospel rally of some sorts, and i guess it was all in all ok. But still, no mention of Good Friday, except for the question: Do you know what day is today? But as i said, as i said, it was a good gathering, with some indepth thinking for some new friends watching a documentary, as well as sharing from some brothers and sisters.

Lastly, been thinking a bit about Christmas and Easter. See the difference in the acceptance level of the general public between Christmas and Easter?

Anyways, Good night, and Good friday.

Good Friday

This is probably one of the very few posts this year about my faith and my walk in Faith.

It's hard these days to talk about what i believe, what i struggle in. Probably because i've grown more and more away, distant from the One who love me. Probably i've become more and more cynical...more skeptical. Probably i've placed myself further away. Probably i had some arguments with Him. Probably i'm being bitter. As i shared during the post graduate cell group, i'm now a bit "unfamiliar" with Jesus.

It's sad, it's depressing. I remembered when i was better than what i am now. I remembered when i use to care. I remembered when i was less "boe chab" (couldn't care less attitude). I remembered i once was concerned for the salvation of this world. I remembered i cared and have a heart for the elderly...

Today's thursday (strictly speaking, it's already friday now). Jingjing was not feeling well today, i sent her back and let her rest early. I told her briefly of my condition, and added that i would like to watch Mel Gibson's the Passion of The Christ. I told her i was scared. I had an expectation, i expect myself to cry, to be emotional. What if i did not cry? What if i show myself to be so so so distant from God?

I slotted in the VCD. As i began to watch this film, my neighbours were outside having a good time, laughing and talking out loud. When i finished the film, my housemate was outside my room singing to TMNT. There were not exactly distractions, just a little ironic. Don't you think?

I cried.

I saw myself in that film. I saw how low human beings can go. I saw how far Jesus went for me. Words can't express what i feel. I prayed for forgiveness, for my sins, for my foolishnes...

Even as i walk away, still feeling a bit sad that one fine day, i'll go astray again (as if i'm now fine and all pretty), i have a certain peace in me. Yeah, that film was indeed very visual. Yes, this film is one that depicted my Lord's suffering to the most extreme, and it is real. Yes, i cried, i cried asking why Jesus would do such a thing for a bunch of stupid fools; i cried for seeing me as one of them; i cried, period.

But at the end of the day, after a few moments of "cooling down", i have a sense of quietness, probably a sense of numbness. But i would like to call it peace, if i can have it my way. And i thank God, for Good Friday.

Thank you Lord. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Slow on the gratitude

Guess I'm pretty slow in praising others, or at least, in replying to others. This has been nagging in my mind for some time now and thought i would do an apology over here (although doubting the number of audience/readers).

My apologies goes out to a long list of people, let me see, there's Jane (of course), KP, mr Wong, Justin, MingZhi & MingYuan, Liyi.... hmm... and the list goes on

Yeah, it's not just an issue of slow response, i guess it's more of a numbness in me. In life, in responding to life.

Let's make things happen and change that, starting from this post, shall we?

Hand in my pocket

Finally bought the "Jagged little pill" album by Alanis Morissette. It has been a long while since i last listen to "alternative" kind of music. Well, this CD brings back some old memories, back when my brother and i used to listen to this CD over and over again (my brother loved this CD).

I was quite amazed however, at the way Alanis wrote her lyrics to most of her songs. The words that she use are plain, but yet very powerful, very descriptive, sometimes very angry, sometimes very subtle. Here's one of her songs, "Hand in my pocket"

"Hand In My Pocket"

I'm broke but I'm happy

I'm poor but I'm kind

I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah

I'm high but I'm grounded

I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed

I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

What it all comes down to

Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is giving a high five

I feel drunk but I'm sober

I'm young and I'm underpaid

I'm tired but I'm working, yeah

I care but I'm restless

I'm here but I'm really gone

I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby

What it all comes down to

Is that everything's gonna be quite alright

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is flicking a cigarette

And what it all comes down to

Is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is giving the peace sign

I'm free but I'm focused

I'm green but I'm wise

I'm hard but I'm friendly baby

I'm sad but I'm laughing

I'm brave but I'm chickenshit

I'm sick but I'm pretty baby

And what it all boils down to

Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is playing the piano

And what it all comes down to my friends

Is that everything's just fine fine fine

I've got one hand in my pocket

And the other one is hailing a taxi cab

hmm....

There was, and still is, a sense of melancholy in me. Mostly when i see things in-retrospective.

Got updates and met a few not-so-old and long-time-never-meet friends. One is in die Schweiz. Seems his banking career is doing well. One is teaching music, with heaps of praises on him (talented lah...really, this guy). Then when i look back at myself, there is this sense of inferiority complex in me. In chinese, the phrase is 心理不平衡。

There is such a big gap, so big, that i feel amazingly useless. There's another story, it's regarding keys. I have this habit of misplacing my keys. Just did that two saturdays ago. Lost them. Duplicated a new pair. My housemate said that i never learn, which is true. And this is, in fact, a sad thing.

Suddenly i remember an old song from the past, from the past when i was still back in Penang, when brother have yet to go to US to study. He manage to get a full Scholarship to the US, then managed to get a Masters degree from the top varsity from the UK, now is lecturing in a College in KL. He listens to lots of songs, and he particularly liked Alanis Morissette. Here's a song sung by her,

"You Learn"

I recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone

I recommend walking around naked in your living room

Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)

It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)

Wait until the dust settles

You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

I recommend biting off more then you can chew to anyone

I certainly do

I recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time

Feel freeThrow it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)

Hold it up (to the rays)You wait and see when the smoke clears

You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)

Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually anyway)

The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

You live you learn

You love you learn

You cry you learn

You lose you learn

You bleed you learn

You scream you learn

You grieve you learn

You choke you learn

You laugh you learn

You choose you learn

You pray you learn

You ask you learn

You live you learn

I was tired

I was tired. As I rested my forehead on my arm, with the instrumental Worship piece “revive holiness” playing, softly, subtly. I gazed and my eyes off focused, starring at my keyboard on my lap. My keyboard is black in colour, and precisely, because it is black in colour, the very minute yellow LED light became so bright to me.

I don’t know why I wrote this description, it sounded mellow, with a trickle of gloominess. But as I carry on, I am reminded that we ourselves are dark in our hearts too. And precisely, because we are dark in nature, the least that God had changed in us, would become very bright to us.

What did God do to me? A seemingly blunt question. He showed me a way, He showed me The Way. But I do have to walk too.

I was reminded of the famous “footprints” story that was spreading like wildfire- emails, talks, as a short story in sermons, plates, mugs and so on. “Why were there only 1 pair of footprints?” Asked the worried believer that God has left him, alone, stranded, and guideless. “That was when I carried you in my arms”, came the comforting voice, reassuring millions of hearts. Million of babies’ hearts, that is.

It could be another story altogether. The One up there might say to us, “That was when I seemingly hid my footprints, while still being beside you. That was when you build up your character. That was when you need to start to believe in me, from the heart, and not from the eyes”

The same bottom-line. God never leaves us. However, God wants us to grow too, and He wants a strong pair of legs for us, and not some feeble legs, and that we whine and whimper when the going gets tough. Jesus carried his own cross. We too, must carry our own cross.

Dear God, may we grow, and one day, to become what You have in mind.

In Jesus’ name, Amen

儿童布道会

现在我们开始讲了，请大家坐好！全部坐得很整齐，很安静，现在要听圣经的话。

有一个孩子，他问妈妈说，「妈妈为什么妳越来越胖呢？」妈妈说「我没有胖啊。」「有啊，你越来越胖啊。」「没有。」「有。」「没有。」「有。」妈妈说「没有。」孩子说「有，妳的肚子越来越胖了，妳别的地方不胖，就是妳的肚子越来越胖了。」妈妈说「这个不是
胖，这个是肚子里面有东西了。」

「妈妈肚子里面什么东西这么大的？」「我肚子里面有你的弟弟，或者你的妹妹。」「弟弟？妹妹？妈妈肚子有我的弟弟，那么什么时候这个弟弟跑出来呢？」「还没有，还要等。」所以这个小孩子每天就看妈妈的肚子越来越大，越来越大，越来越大。

有一天妈妈忽然间不在家了，他就问爸爸说，「妈妈到哪里去呢？」「妈妈去医院了。」「去做什么呢？」「去医院，去生孩子了。」后来过了不久，妈妈回来，肚子不见了，从前大的肚子不见了，手里抱着一个白白的布，里面有一个动的东西。

「妈妈，妈妈，妳抱着什么？」「我就抱着你的弟弟回来了。」「弟弟？我要看，我要看我的弟弟。」妈妈把这个布开起来，他看他弟弟脸孔小小的，眼睛小小的，鼻子小小的，嘴巴小小的。他说「很好玩，很好玩，给我玩，我要把他抱来丢来丢去。」「哪里可以！」她说。「你的弟弟不是洋娃娃，你不可以把弟弟丢来丢去。」「但是我看弟弟很好玩，给我丢！给我丢！」妈妈说「不给你丢！」他说「给我丢，给我丢。」后来这个孩子气死了，「妈妈有洋娃娃不给我玩！」妈妈说「这是弟弟不是洋娃娃，你懂吗？你从前就是这样。」「啊？我从前也这么小吗？」「你从前就是这么小。」「后来呢？」「后来你吃东西。」「后来呢？。」「再吃东西。」「后来呢？」「再吃东西，吃了东西慢慢慢慢就大大起来了，以后你会越来越大，你的弟弟也会越来越大。」

这个哥哥呢，每天看到弟弟，要去摸，要丢他，不可以！结果只有在旁边看。有时候就摸摸摸，摸摸摸，捏他一把。这个哥哥很调皮，把弟弟捏了一把，这个弟弟「哇！」就哭起来，他就打他「不要哭！不要哭！」打了以后，「哇！」哭得更大声。他说，「妈妈这个弟弟很坏蛋。」「你怎么说弟弟坏蛋？」「一直哭。」「为什么哭？」「因为我打他。」「你为什么打弟弟？因为他坏蛋，我一打他，打他了，他更坏蛋！更坏蛋，我更打他。打他，他更坏蛋。所以弟弟很坏蛋。」所以妈妈说，「好，现在轮到我打你，「啪！」「哇！」他也哭起来了。所以你不要人家打你，你就不要打人。大家说说「不要人家打我，就不要打人」，一、二、三，「不要人家打我，就不要打人。」

后来呢？这个弟弟慢慢长大起来，这个弟弟变成一个不听话的孩子。为什么呢？因为这个弟弟脾气很硬，脾气很凶，越来越大，越不爱听话。所以这个哥哥说，「妈妈，为什么弟弟从前很可爱，现在变成这样呢？」这个妈妈说，「可能他跟四周的孩子玩，那些孩子不好吧。」真的，四周有一些孩子很不好，他们都不爱听话，都不听妈妈，不听爸爸。所以这个弟弟慢慢长大了以后，越来越坏，越来越坏。

有一天这个弟弟跟他的朋友拿着书包去读书的时候，朋友对他说「诶，我们一天到晚读书，每天读书，早上读书，下午读书，天天读书。礼拜一读书，礼拜二读书，星期三读书，礼拜四读书，礼拜五读书，书书书....，读书，读书，读书，我讨厌！我不要读书。」诶，如果你不要读书你要怎么样呢？「我不要读书，我要去玩。」「到哪里玩？」「我们到山上玩，我们到河边玩，我们到树林玩，跟我去！」那怎么办呢？「我很聪明，我告诉你，你跟我走，等到中午差不多应当下课的时间，我们就回家。」然后爸爸妈妈说「从哪里来？」我们就骗爸爸妈妈，可以不可以？（不可以。）我问你，「可以不可以？」（不可以！）你不要讲「不 - 可 - 以」，你说「不可以」，回答快一点好不好？可以不可以？（不可以。）但是他说「不要紧，我们骗爸爸，因为爸爸妈妈太忙，他不管我们，所以我们骗他，他不知道的。」

所以他们就去玩了，跑到山上玩，玩玩玩玩....，玩到时间到了以后，快快跑回家。两个孩子你回你的家，我回我的家，对爸爸说「爸爸妈妈午安。」爸爸妈妈说，「怎么样？」「很好。」「从哪里来？」「学校。」「今天有没有上课？」「有。」「老师好不好？」「老师很好。」骗爸爸，骗妈妈。「啊，乖孩子，快快快快吃饭。」他们就吃饭。吃完饭以后，「休息一下，下午作功课，要补习或者要作功课，快快作作作....。」「糟糕！明天的功课是什么？刚才老师讲什么我不在啊，我不知道啊。」怎么办呢？跑到隔壁去问，「明天什么功课？」「明天考试啊。」「考什么？」「考算数。」那怎么办呢？快快看。看得懂吗？看不懂。

所以不爱读书，逃学。逃学功课不好；功课作不好，考试不及格；考试不及格，功课更不好；功课不好，更不爱读书；更不爱读书，更爱玩；更爱玩，更不会；更不会，更懒惰；更懒惰，更不好。以后他说，「妈妈我不爱读书了！」「啊？」你不要读书，长大了要做什么？「我不管做什么，我不爱读书了。」妈妈说「不可以，如果你不读书，我要打你。」「妈妈不要打我，我不要读书，我不要读书！」妈妈说「一定要读！」

结果怎么办呢？他越来越懒惰，越来越懒惰，不读书。有一个朋友对他说「读书做什么你知道吗？读书大了才会做工，做工以后才有钱，有钱才能生活。不一定。不一定读书才能做工，不一定做工才能赚钱，你看我，没有读书我也有钱。」「真的吗？你给我看！」他就把钱拿出来，「你看我有这么多钱，我这些钱都不是读书来。」「哪里来的？」「我偷来的。」「啊？」「你哪里来的钱？」「我偷来的。」「你怎么偷？」「我在很多人的地方，跟着人走来走去，看见有人皮包很大，我就趁着他不小心，把他皮包拿掉，我就逃走，那个有皮包的人走路很慢，我很快嘛！所以我一跑她追不到，她结果跑到半路疲倦就回家，钱变成我的。所以不必读书，可以有钱，我有办法。」「哇！如果这样我也要，我也要钱，我也不爱读书，我也要钱。」「那你跟我走了，我们从今天开始就做小偷，好不好？」（不好。）「可以不可以？」（不可以。）

这两个孩子都不要读书，这两个孩子都不要上课。这两个孩子都不勤劳，他们都变成小偷了。然后他们就每天去找，哪一个地方很多人，哪一个地方有钱人，买东西，带大的皮包的，他们就跟在后面，装作好像没有事情。忽然间就把她们的皮包抢去，把皮包里面的钱拿掉就走掉。以后他们就可以买东买西，做很多不好的事情。然后假假的，在爸爸、妈妈面前，做好孩子。「乖不乖？」「乖。」「好不好？」「好。」「真不真？」「假。」他不是真的好孩。

一天一天以后，诶，忽然间爸爸妈妈看见有一个警察，带着一个孩子跑到他家里面来。这个警察带一个孩子来，越来越靠近，越来越靠近，他看这个警察抓孩子，「哪一个孩子被抓？」一看，「糟糕了，是我的孩子。」所以这个警察把这个孩子带到他爸爸妈妈面前。「这是不是你的孩子？」「是啊，他做了什么事呢？」「他们偷东西，他们被我们抓到了。，他们逃走，我们把他追回来，问他地址在哪里，他说在这里。」所以爸爸妈妈没有办法，就把这个孩子放在旁边问警察说，「现在要怎么办？」警察说，「他现在才十四岁，所以我们应当交回给家长，叫你好好管你的孩子，如果你不管你的孩子，以后他长大了，我们可以把有关监牢里面，不让他回家。」

所以警察把孩子交给爸爸妈妈以后，他回去了。爸爸妈妈就把这个孩子打，打得很厉害。「你偷东西！你羞辱爸爸妈妈的名！」把他打到脸肿起来，手肿得很大。「爸爸我不敢了！妈妈我不敢了！我以后不再偷东西了。」「你再偷我打死你！」他有没有悔改啊？没有。他哭了以后怎么样，恨爸爸，恨妈妈，恨警察，恨别人。他只要爱钱，爱犯罪，不要爸爸，不要妈妈，所以这个孩子到十五岁，十六岁的时候。他想「我可以不在家里，我为什么要天天吃爸爸的饭？我自己偷，自己去抢，更多的钱可以买东西吃，我不要爸爸妈妈养我。」

有一天他离开家的时候，带了几件衣服，就从来不回家了。这个十六岁的孩子走走走，离开那个地方，就到一个山上去和几个坏孩子，跑到一个山洞里面去。那个山洞是什么地方？那个山洞是强盗的地方。他们就到强盗那里去。「我们今天要拜你为师，我们要跟你走，我们要做你的学徒。」「好，跪下来，两个人跪下来！」他们就跪下来了。「你是讲真话或者讲假话？你是实在要做我的门徒，或者你是来这里试探试探？」「不是，我们真是要做你的门徒，我们真的要听你的话。」「那么，你就要完全顺从我，听见了没有！」「听见。」「如果你要顺从我，我叫你做什么，你就做什么。」「是的。」「我叫你打人你就打人。」「是的。」「我叫你杀人，你就杀人。」「我不敢，我我我.... 从从来没有杀过人。 」「闭嘴！安静，跪下！你说要做我的学徒，我叫你杀人你就要杀人，听见没有？」「听见，但是我不敢。」「不要多讲话，我教你，给你勇敢你可以杀人。」

所以这两个人，就开始被强盗控制，他没有自由了。他们两个人就在那边吃饭，在那边睡觉。白天强盗的头，就教他们怎样用刀，怎样打，怎么样武剑，怎样刺，怎样逃，怎样绑人。他说「我从来没有学过这些事，从来不知道可以做人做到这样坏的。」两个人说「那怎么呢？我们现在已经出来了，我们已经不能回家了，因为爸爸妈妈不要我们了，我们太坏了，我们跟着这个强盗走，可能一生一世没有前途了。」「什么没有前途？这个就是前途。做强盗，杀人，害人，抢人，偷人，这就是前途，不要紧！」他说「不能了，如果我们有一天抢人杀人，给警察抓到怎么办？」「给警察抓到不要紧，不要怕，跟警察打，跟警察斗，警察也人，我也是人。我们把自己的身体练得很大，很大，这里练到每一个手好像有木瓜，有西瓜一样的，怕什么？」所以他们就练身体，练举重、哑铃、杠铁，还有什么东西，练到肉越来越大，肌肉一块一块大起来。他们说「我们要越来越强，变成很强很强的强盗，不必怕警察。」

练完了以后，有一天，强盗王说「来，两个打斗给我看，我看你成绩好不好？看你技术高不高，看你健康不健康？你看勇敢不勇敢，看你力量够不够大？」他们两个打，打，打得死去活来。强盗说，「好，现在我已经知道，你们练功夫练够了，可以做强盗了。现在拿一个盆子来，拿一把刀来。」就叫他们把自己的手指割破，他说「做什么？」我一定要割破手指。你要割破手指，用你手所滴下的血，签名永远做我部下的强盗，听见没有？听见！他们就把刀割了，血流下来，就在那里签字，原来那一张纸说，「我从今天起直到死，我一直顺服强盗头，作强盗在你下面，到死忠心不背叛你。」

「签了字啊，现在我告诉你，你是用自己的血签了这个张立约的书，在我下面做强盗，所以我告诉你，你永远不可离开我，你永远不可以逃走。如果有一天你逃走给我抓到了，我就把你的头砍下来，听见没有！」「听见。」他吓死了，他两个人现在不要爸爸，不要妈妈，不要老师，不要上课，不要前途，不要做好孩子，不要社会，不要读书，不要做好人，不要道德，不要人格，变成强盗，抢东西，偷东西，跟着坏人走。那怎么办呢？他们就照着分配，今天到这一区去抢东西，明天到那一区去抢东西，每天被分配走这区，那区，这个城市做完了，到别的城市去，去去。有的时候几天才回来。

他们进到一个房子的时候，看太阳几点下山，下山以后几个钟头，街上没有人，很安静的时候，他们就跳进去了。跳到里面去，先看最有力量的是哪一个？是那一个年轻的人，把他绑起来。如果把年轻人绑起来，那么，他的老爸爸，老妈妈很弱，很老了，没有力量反抗，就不要怕，把他绑起来，把他口封起来，脚绑起来，手绑起来，叫他不要讲话。把大刀放在他的胸前，他们吓死了，然后东西就抢了，抢了一包一包带出去，以后就到山洞里面去了。在这里抢，在那里杀，有人反抗他就刺到他的心脏里面，血就流出来了。所以这两个强盗，刚刚二十多岁越来越坏，这里抢，那里抢，这里杀，那里杀，做了许多很坏很坏的事情。

有一天有人报告警察局，说有几个强盗在那个乡村里面正在做乱。所以警察听见了，就问，「你知道这个强盗，大概脸孔是怎么样的？」「有胡子的，而且脸孔很大，耳朵很大，这个人胸部很大，手很大，这人大概高有六呎多。」「啊，我知道了，这就是从前我们抓过，小的时候带给他爸爸妈妈，后来不悔改，到现在还做强盗那个人，现在我们要去抓他。」警察长就叫所有的警察五十个人跑去那个乡村，围着整个乡村。好不好？好。去了，这些警察就去了，他们整个骑着马，跑到那个乡村把它围起来。

围起来的时候，那些强盗不知道警察已经来了。而且这一次不是两个警察，是五十个警察大队，围这那个乡村，越围越小，越围越小，越围越靠近，最后就在他们在抢东西的房子的四周围，他们被包围起来了。警察拿着大刀，拿着剑，拿着枪，把这个房子全部围起来的时候，他们还不知道，还在里面大喊大叫，「听话！不要讲话，我要抢你的东西！金子在哪里？银子在哪里？你们的戒指在哪里？钻石在哪里？」当他们正在喊的时候，突然间，五十个警察同步一起跑到那房子里面，跑到那个房子里面的时候，他们知道糟糕了，现在警察来了，他们只有两个人，给五十个警察包围起来的时候，能不能反抗啊？能不能？够不够力量？够不够人？不够人，不够力量。怎么办呢？他们就放火，放火使警察害怕，房子烧了警察就离开。

但是警察不但不害怕，他们有灭火的东西，把火灭了以后，再靠近，再靠近。这两个人就躲在一个房间把门关起来。现在呢，警察放火，不是他们放火了。一放火的时候，糟糕了，两个人会烧死在里面，他们就大喊大叫。警察说「要不要投降？你不投降，烧死。投降，被抓。」他们说「投降！投降！」但是手中拿着大刀，一面拿着刀，一面靠近警察，要跟警察一同来杀，一同来斗。结果呢？他们完全被警察制服了。被警察制服以后，这两个强盗被抓去，把他们大大绑起来，放在马车的上面，就一直走，把他带到一个城市叫做耶路撒冷。

这两个强盗被带到耶路撒冷去，被带到大城去，他说「糟糕了，耶路撒冷不但有这些警察，耶路撒冷还有很强的罗马的军兵，罗马的军官，罗马的将军，罗马的军队，怎么办呢？」他们是凶得不得了，他们很严格，他们一点不原谅人民。那怎么办呢？他说「没有办法了，我们被抓了。好，现在趁着半夜，如果有可能我们逃走，半夜逃。」所以等到太阳下山以后，七点、八点、九点、十点、十一点，两个强盗手上都是绳子绑起来，他们慢慢看，看看到底那个看守监牢门的那个兵，有没有睡觉，如果睡觉的话，他们就要把他打死，要跑出来。但是他们结果呢？一出去试试看离开他们的房间，要到外面去的时候，一大堆兵再跑出来，结果再被制服把他关在更多，更困难跑出来很多杠，一圈一圈的铁门的房间里面，所以他们没有办法了。每天给他们吃很不好的东西，每天给他们做很重的苦工，每天被打，打得这里有伤痕，背后有伤痕，脚有伤痕。他们大哭，他们痛苦，但是强盗的王也不能来帮助他们。那怎么办呢？一天一天过去，他们就在那里等，问那些兵说，「有什么消息没有？」「没有！你要等，大概两个礼拜以后，就会宣判你们最后要定什么罪。」

「两个礼拜以后，谁来定罪呢？」他说「你等等，不要讲话！」两个礼拜以后，有人来叩监牢的门。叩完了以后，开起来，有一个人带着一张文书说，「现在上面有宣布，这两个强盗，要被带到彼拉多那边去受审判。」「彼拉多？彼拉多是很凶的，彼拉多是罗马皇帝派来的，彼拉多如果宣判，可能我们会宣判死罪的！怎么办呢？」

没有办法，真的过了几天以后，他们就被拉去，用铁链把他们捆锁，一直拉，一直拉，走走走，走到彼拉多的官邸那里去。彼拉多坐在很高的位子上面说，「现在把两个强盗带出来！」「来！第一、另外一个出来，第二。就是全国最坏最坏的两个强盗。」彼拉多说「现在你们两个人跪下来！」他们就跪下来了。「给我读他们犯了什么罪？」「几月，几日，下午两点钟，你在什么乡村杀了一个人，有没有？」「有。」「几月几日早上七点钟，你爬墙进去捆绑两个老人，有没有？」「有。」「几月几日你烧了几个房子，在什么乡村，偷了很多东西，有没有？」「有。」

全部宣判完了以后，彼拉多说，「把这两个人在明天早上，带到一个地方去，钉在十字架上！」钉在十字架上，什么叫做「钉在十字架上」呢？哦，他们回去的时候，剩下一个晚上，两个人晚上还没有睡觉以前，「你知道不知道，什么叫做钉在十字架上？」「我知道，因为我从前小的时候看过，我们乡村有一个人被钉十字架。」「钉十字架是怎么样？」「钉十字架你知道吗？是叫你然后你躺在木头上面，一个横的木头，一个直的木头，然后你躺在那上面，然后要用钉子放在你手上，用很大的铁锤，把很长的钉子钉下去。钉的时候从皮到你的肉，穿过你的骨头，再到你的肉，再到你的皮，就把你的手钉在木头的上面。」「然后呢？」「另外一个手再钉。」「然后呢？」「两个脚绑起来，用最大的钉子再钉下去。」「再钉下去以后怎么办？我就躺在那里？」「不是的，你躺完了以后，他们把绳子绑的紧紧的以后，就把你的十字架把它抬起来！」「唉呀！抬起来我的身体很重怎么办呢？」「他要像插国旗一样，把你的十字架，插在泥土里面变成直立的，竖立的十字架在那边。」「哇！我不敢，我害怕，我明天要被钉十字架，怎么办？」「没有办法，因为彼拉多判定死罪的人，都不能够逃走，所以明天你要死，明天我要死。」

他们等，等，三点、四点、五点，「咕咕咕！」鸡叫了，他说「醒来吧，醒来吧，今天我们要死了。」六点的时候，太阳出来了，他们看见太阳出来。「朋友啊，这是最后一次了，我们这一生最后一次看见太阳出来，你看吧！」他们趴到窗口那边看，看太阳出来。「太阳啊，这是最后一次看见你了，明天你上来的时候，我们没有了！太阳啊，每天看到你，今天是最后一次了。」

七点钟，八点钟，有人再来叩门，「两个强盗，穿好衣服，预备好。吃大菜，吃大餐，今天你们要被钉十字架，还没有死以前，给你们吃最好吃的大餐。」哇！他看「肉、菜、什么东西都有，好吃得不得了。」他们说「没有办法了，让我们好好享受一餐吧，因为要死了。」所以他们就大吃。吃完了以后，把他们绑起来，用鞭子打他们。

你知道吗？孩子们，那个鞭子的尾巴，都是有铁勾的，所以这个鞭子一打下去的时候，拉出来的时候，皮就一个洞一个洞被拉出来了，肉就拉出来了，血就一直流一直流。所以这两个强盗被鞭，被打，带到一个地方去，看见一个房子，一个很大很大的门，他们把门推开，推的时候，里面都是木头。木头有长的，有短的，有的已经做成十字架的样子了。他们就拿了两个很大很大的十字架，叫这两个强盗背着十字架。所以这两个强盗就背着十字架，背得很重，没有力，走，走，走一百公尺，两百公尺、三百公尺、四百公尺、一公里、两公里，来到一个小山丘那里。「现在，爬山！爬山！」「我没有力，我爬山都很吃力，背着这么大的十字架，我没有力。」「你不要多讲话，打！」当鞭子打下去，抽起来的时候，肉都飞出来了，血都流出来了，太痛了。「要不要走？」「要要要....。」他们快快把十字架再拉，就这样一直走走走，走到山上去。

诶，到了山上的时候，他发现不是两个人，几个人啊？（三个。）还有另外一个人，那么那一个人是谁你知道吗？（耶稣。）那一个人没有偷东西，那一个人没有杀人，那一个人没有做坏事，那一个人脸孔不一样的。他非常慈爱，他非常良善，所以这两个强盗看见那个人的时候，他们很奇怪。他说「这个穿着白衣服，这个没有打人，没有杀人，没有抢东西，没有害人的人，为什么要跑到山上来呢？」所以他们就看着耶稣。另外一个说「不必看啦！反正人都会死的。今天你要死，我要死，今天他也要死，他一定做了什么错事，才会被抓来的，不可能没有错事。」「不一定哦，他不一定有错事。」

这两个人在讲一半的时候，那个兵丁就来了。「第一个某某人，躺下去！」他就躺下去，「两个手伸出来！」他把手伸出来。他现在不是单单听说什么叫作「钉十字架」，他自己要被钉了，他眼泪流出来了，他不知道今天要怎么死，但是他知道十字架的死是很痛苦的，他从来没有死过，他从来没有想要死，他只想发财，他只想钱财，他只想偷东西，他没有想要死。但是现在被放在十字架下面，忽然间看着那个兵，拿着一根很长很长的铁钉过来，铁锤拿起来。他吓死了！然后就钉子放在他手上。哦，他眼睛闭起来了，他不敢看他的手被钉是怎么样的，那个铁锤无情的就打下去，当这个铁锤打下来的时候，「唉呀！」他叫起来了，从来没有这样痛，从来没有这样苦，钉子一次再一次被大锤锤下去的时候，他的手抖着，他不知道要怎么样反抗，因为他被绑在那里。他一直流泪，一直大喊大叫，一直哭，太痛苦了，他就昏倒了。



他一昏倒了以后，完全失去知觉，但是一下子他又醒过来，因为另外一个手被钉的时候太痛，他又再醒过来，两个手被钉，两方脚被钉以后，他第一个被拉起来，像国旗一样插在地上，整个身体垂下来，那个洞就拉开了。拉开以后，血像泉水一样流出来，然后他在那里大喊大叫。「太痛苦了！太痛苦了！我受不了，这样大的痛苦！」他眼睛看见他的朋友被钉，被挂。再第二个，两个大喊大叫的时候，他们两个强盗被钉在十字架上的时候，他们看见第三个人，就是主耶稣被放在地上，被钉的时候，他们很奇怪，耶稣受痛苦的时候，耶稣没有喊，耶稣没有流眼，他的忍着痛苦，忍着痛苦，在那里心中忧伤，忍着痛苦一句话也不讲。所以这个强盗就开始感到很奇怪，「怎么有这样的一个人？被钉的时候不叫，被钉的时候不骂，被钉的时候没有大喊大叫呢？为什么他能呢？」他就注意看耶稣。

当他看的时候，耶稣被钉完了，被他们举起来，放在那边的时候，耶稣不讲话，这两个人就开始笑他了，「连哭都不敢哭，还是男子汉吗？连叫都不敢叫，这样胆小，你被钉的时候这么痛苦，为什么你不讲话？」他们两个人就笑他。耶稣有没有回答？没有。耶稣一句话不讲，耶稣被钉在中间，耶稣头着看着天，耶稣一句话不讲，耶稣的脸充满圣洁，充满为罪人的悲伤，充满公义，充满良善，充满慈爱，因为他没有罪。耶稣是上帝的儿子，耶稣到世界上来，耶稣没有罪，耶稣被罪人所恨，被钉在十字架上，耶稣不回答，耶稣不讲话，耶稣安静被挂在木头上面。

这两个人笑笑笑，讥诮他，忽然间其中有一个开始看见仇敌来了，那个仇敌是谁？妈妈被杀的，另外一个房子被烧的。「你这个强盗，你该死！你杀死我妈妈！」他们用沙丢在他眼睛上，他没有办法去拿掉它，因为他的手被钉嘛！哦，他来闪来闪去，他们吐口水在他的脸上。「你该死！你是杀人的，你是偷东西的！」他们打他，他们吐口水在他身上，他们骂他。他就咒诅他们。「你们没有良心的人，我在十字架上这样痛苦了，你们还要用口水吐我吗？」他们说「不管，你该死！你杀人，所以你应该被杀，你应该死！你是坏人！」哦，他很痛苦，在那里一面哭，一面叫，一面咒诅，一面大声喊「谁能救我？谁能救我？」忽然间他昏倒，这个强盗昏倒的时候，开始像作梦一样，梦见他还是小孩子，他的哥哥对他说「弟弟啊，你要乖乖哦，要听妈妈的话。」「我不要！」

「哦，我小的时候是可爱的，我从前是可爱的小孩子，我从前在家里，我从前有妈妈，我从前有爸爸，哦！」他挣扎，一挣扎的时候，太痛了，他再昏倒。昏倒了以后，第二个声音来了。这个声音说「诶，不必读书嘛！我们去玩嘛！天天书书书书，我们读读读读，从礼拜一到礼拜六，从礼拜六到礼拜一，礼拜一再到礼拜六，礼拜六再到礼拜一，一直读书读书，讨厌，我不爱做功课，跟我玩，我们到山上去，我们到树林里，我们去玩吧！我们不要读书，等到时间到了回家，跟妈妈说，妈妈我回来了，假假的，妈妈也没有办法查出来，对不对？」「对对对....，我就跟你去吧。」哦，他说「我小的时候，我曾经读书第一，我小的时候曾经很可爱，哦！我不要。他一挣扎的时候，那个洞再拉得更大，血流出来。哦，他大喊大叫，又再昏倒。

他昏倒的时候，第三个声音来了。「你是真的吗？你到这里做强盗是真的要听我的话吗？」「是的。」「跪下来！」跪下了。「现在，我要你听我的话，受训练怎样杀人，怎样打人，怎样偷东西，怎样骗人，怎样烧房子，懂不懂？」「懂。」哦，我从前曾经用我的自由跟着强盗走，哦。忽然间那个梦继续了，他听见一个声音说「把你的手指割下来，用你的血签这个约书，永远不可以离开我！」「好的。」他签。「错了！错了！我跟着这个强盗就错了，我不应该跟他走，我错了！」他一挣扎的时候，这个洞更拉得大了，血流下来，他再昏倒了。

昏倒以后，听见一个声音来了，「彼拉多吩咐你们，明天要被钉死。」「主啊！主啊！有没有主？如果有，你要不要赦免我？如果有主，你看不见我，主啊，我是人，上帝啊！我错了，上帝啊，我错了！上帝啊，如果有上帝，现在赦免我吧！如果有主，洁净我的心吧，主在哪里？」「主，我从前小的时候，上过主日学，老师对我说有主，老师对我说有上帝，老师告诉我上帝创造人，上帝要拯救人，上帝不要我做坏人，老师说上帝要我可以做得救的人。但是，我从来没有看见上帝，上帝在哪里？给我看！如果你存在，给我看我就相信你，我从来没有看见你，你在哪里？主啊，你在哪里？上帝在哪里？我没有看见过他。」哦！后来他正在想，上帝在哪里的时候，突然间，听见旁边那个耶稣讲话。

「诶？刚才他不是不讲话吗？他被打，被骂，被钉都不讲话，现在讲话了。听，我要听，我要注意听他讲什么话？」耶稣讲第一句话，「父啊，赦免他们，因为他们所做的他们不知道。」Father forgive them because what they have done they did not know. 这个强盗听见耶稣讲这句话，「是的，对的，我所做的我不知道，赦免我！赦免我！我犯罪，我偷东西，我抢，我杀，我骗，我做了很多的坏事，我这样做不对，赦免我！」「谁能赦免我能呢？法官吗？法官自己不好。老师吗？老师自己不对。是总统吗？总统自己有罪。是君王吗？君王自己不对，全世界的人都是罪人，没有一个罪人可以赦免另外一个罪人，没有人能赦免我。」但是，天父啊，赦免他们，因为他们所做的他们不知道。「诶？如果这样，一定有一个天上的父，有一位上帝会赦免人的罪，我要！我要祂赦免。」所以从那个时候开始，他就注意看耶稣，当他的眼睛看耶稣的时候，他看见耶稣的脸，充满慈爱，充满圣洁，充满公义，充满上帝的荣光。所以他想「我知道了，这一位就是救主！这一位就是上帝派来拯救人类的主。」

小朋友，他现在要不要耶稣？（要。）他知道不知道他是罪人？（知道。）他知道不知道他要耶稣？（知道。）他现在需要谁？（耶稣。）所以他从心里面，就开始讲一句话了，「主啊，求你听我祷告，主啊，求你赦免我的罪，我流血是应该的，你流血是没有罪的。我的血是罪人的血，你的血是宝血，主啊，主啊，听我吧」，他从心里面这样祷告了。「主啊，求你听我祷告，主啊求你赦免我罪，用你宝血洁净我，用你宝血拯救我，主啊，主求你听我祷告，主啊求你赦免我罪。」你会不会唱？（会。）我们大家来唱一次，大家唱。

「主啊，求你听我祷告，主啊，求你赦免我罪，用你宝血洁净我，用你宝血拯救我，主啊，求你听我祷告，主啊，求你赦免我罪。」

安静，一点声音都没有，在各各他山上面，很多人看着，「强盗该死，强盗该死！」但是，他们看中间那一位耶稣，「主啊，你不应该死，你医治好我的病，为什么你死？你给我瞎子看见，啊，你太好了，你这样慈悲，这样有爱心，这样的有能力，为什么你死？」小朋友，耶稣应该不应该死？（不应该。）耶稣为什么死？是不是因为他自己犯罪死？（不是。）他有没有偷东西？（没有。）他有没有说谎？（没有。）他有没有打人？（没有。）他有没有偷看？（没有。）他有没有杀人？（没有。）他有没有放火？（没有。）耶稣没有犯罪，为什么耶稣死？耶稣死因为他代替罪人死，耶稣死因为他爱你，因为他爱我，为我们的罪死。所以耶稣基督不应该死，但是他死了，因为什么？大家跟我说「上帝爱世人」，一、二、三、「上帝爱世人，甚至将他的独生子赐给他们，叫一切信他，不至灭亡，反得永生。」感谢上帝。

所以这个强盗就说「主耶稣啊！」诶，耶稣听见没有？（听见了。）耶稣听见没有？耶稣听见强盗向他祷告没有？（有。）耶稣眼睛转过来看这个强盗，这个强盗看耶稣，他们的手被钉，他们的脚被钉，他的身体被挂，他们不能动，但是他们的头转过去的时候，「耶稣啊，你以后作王，你的国度来到了，求你记念我！主啊，求你听我祷告。主啊，求你赦免我的罪，用你的宝血洗净我，用你的宝血拯救我，主啊，你记念我。」耶稣要不要救他？（要。）要不要？（要。）耶稣要不要救他？（要。）他这么大的罪人，耶稣要不要救他？（要。）上帝爱罪人，上帝恨罪恶 ，大家说，一二三，「上帝爱罪人，上帝恨罪恶。」当罪人悔改的时候，「主啊，拯救我。」「主啊，赦免我。」主耶稣说「我实实在在告诉你，今天你跟我一同在乐乐园里面了。」感谢上帝！

不久以后，太阳慢慢下山了，耶稣死了，那个强盗还在那里挣扎，太痛苦。有兵丁来，忽然间把刀拔出来，把他的两条腿砍掉，那个刀大得不得了，一、二、三，就把这两条腿砍掉，「唉呀！」他大喊，他两条腿被砍断的时候，血就冲出来了，所有的血都流下来，他就死了。死的时候灵魂就飘了，灵魂离开他去了，那个时候主耶稣就带着这个被砍掉两腿的强盗的灵魂，就到乐园里面去了，祂拯救他，祂赦免，祂收纳他，他的罪得着赦免。

上帝说，所有认罪的人，我都赦免他。上帝说「所有悔改的人，我都拯救他。」上帝要不要救他？（要。）上帝要不要救你？（要。）上帝要不要救我？（要。）今天下午，如果有哪一个人，你说「主耶稣，我也有罪，我回到你面前，求你赦免我，求你拯救我。」祂今天要拯救你。

现在，每一个小朋友坐好，我要结束了，大家坐好，没有动的，没有讲话的。有哪一个人，你说「主耶稣，那一天你拯救那个强盗，今天求你救我。」「主耶稣，那一天你赦免那个强盗，今天你赦免我，我不要做坏人，我要回到你的面前，我要悔改，我要打开我的心，请耶稣进到我心中。」小朋友你要不要？（要。）

现在低着头，闭着眼睛，没有一个人看别人，没有一个人走动，坐下来，坐下来，每一个人坐好，还有人动，没有人走动。坐下，每一个人都坐下，现在听我，然后响应，闭着眼睛。有哪一个人今天说「主耶稣，我要你拯救我，今天下午，我打开我的心，求主耶稣进到我的心，求主拯救我。」你愿意耶稣拯救你，我要为你祷告。

有哪一个人要求主拯救你，求主进到你心中，不要看别人，眼睛闭着，愿意主耶稣拯救你的孩子，请把手举起来。举了放下去。有哪一个刚才还没有举手的，你说「主耶稣，我也要你拯救我，我要你进到我心中，还没有举手的，现在我给你第二次的机会，愿意主耶稣今天拯救你的，请举手。手放下来。

现在我要为你们祷告，有哪一个人，你要我为你祷告的，离开你的位子，拿着你所有的东西，现在走到前头来，到前面来一同祷告。哪一个人，你要主耶稣拯救你，赦免你的罪，你走到前头，一同到这里来祷告。很严肃的，不是开玩笑，你到主耶稣面前来，你愿意主拯救你，愿意主赦免你的罪，离开你的位子，现在走到前头来。

（唱诗：十字架永是我的荣耀）

「十字架，十字架，永是我的荣耀，我众罪都洗清洁，惟靠耶稣宝血。 」

大家唱：

「十字架，十字架，永是我的荣耀，我众罪都洗清洁，惟靠耶稣宝血。 」

Was kann ich jetzt machen?

Ja, es ist eine kaltes Tag. Es war schoen geregnet fuer 3 Tage in Singapur. Ich weiss nicht was kann ich machen. Ich bin sehr mueder. Jedoch muß ich mindestens versuchen, energisch zu sein.
Meine Gott, hilfen mir bitte?

Und es ist meine erste post in Deutsh. Also, tut mir leid fuer meine schlechtes Deutsch.

Attitude

I guess i have to be a bit more calm. The title, or part of the main focus or "theme" of the day seems to be "Attitude". "My attitude", to be exact. Let's review what happened...

1. Our Daily Bread. Here's today's passage:
Truth That Transforms
Jesus showed Himself to His disciples after He was raised from the dead. —John 21:14

Truth is truth even if it doesn’t seem to affect our lives directly. But the truth that God gives us in the Bible not only opens heaven’s door for us, it also changes our lives.

Ron Sider, a leading evangelical advocate for the poor, tells about a conversation he had with German theologian Wolfhart Pannenberg. As they were discussing the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, the theologian emphatically declared, “The evidence for Jesus’ resurrection is so strong that nobody would question it except for two things: It is a very unusual event, and second, if you believe it happened, you have to change the way you live.”

That’s a challenging statement. If we really believe Jesus rose again, that belief mandates a change of life. Peter’s life was turned upside-down after he saw the resurrected Christ. Once an impetuous fisherman-disciple who denied even knowing Christ after His arrest, he became a bold witness for Him (John 18:17,25,27; Acts 2:14-36).

Has belief in Jesus’ resurrection changed your life? Are your goals and priorities different than they were? Are you kinder, more patient, more forgiving? Ask God what He wants to do in you, and then cooperate with Him in that change. —Vernon C Grounds

We want to do great things,
O Lord,To glorify Your name;
When You transform us by Your power,
We’ll never be the same. —Sper

The power that God used to raise Jesus from the dead is the same power at work in you.

It made me think, why am i still like this? There must be something missing, I should be finding out what treasure i am missing out on.

2. Wall Issue
Well, Orange Ocean seems to be "complaining" that i don't react/response soon enough to things that she shows me, be it a picture, a song or a sharing.

3. Boss' remarks
Well, after me updating him on status of things ( i hope of a good reply from him). He said that i replied too late and is disappointed of my attitude. Oh well, yeah, this is another part that i have to take note of. Always be on alert, be on standby, 24/7. The minor issue is that (there is no main issue, the fact is that i didn't reply to his mails on time, it's true) can i be somehow encouraged a bit for what i have done? Then i'll be told again that what i'm doing isn't enough at all, etc etc?

It's been a long day, the Image Processing assignment is killing me, 3 parts, part 1 still not finished yet.

On the good side, i know this is what i have to improve on, but than again, it's quite saddenning to know and feel bad every other day.

O LORD, i'm supposed to shine, yet i'm not. Forgive me, and guide me, in Your ways, so that i can really shine for You. In my relationship, in work and in all.
In Jesus' name, Amen.

即時通話

Read this from Our Daily Bread (ODB) this afternoon, around 5+pm

金句: 「就當存著誠心和充足的信心來到上帝面前。」 （希伯來書10章22節）
全年讀經: 耶利米哀歌3-5章 希伯來書10章19-39節

麥克雷牧師向年幼的兒子解釋，秘書如何在教會辦公室幫他過濾電話。他說：「如果是媽媽打來，而我正忙著，秘書就會告訴她我在做什麼，讓媽媽決定是否應該打斷我正在做的事，或是應該留言。」
接著他又說：「若是你打電話來，秘書就會立刻轉接給我。我要讓你知道，你隨時可以打電話給我，因為你是我的兒子。」
幾天後，秘書把兒子的來電轉給牧師。接通之後，牧師問有什麼事。兒子回答說：「沒事，我只是要確定，我真的能這麼找到你。」
同樣地，我們與天父之間也能即時通話。他沒有秘書為他過濾電話，我們也不需要思慮該不該打擾他，也不需要留言好讓他晚點再回覆。這正如詩人所說：「耶和華的眼目看顧義人；他的耳朵聽他們的呼求。」（詩篇34篇15節）
因為耶穌藉著他的受死和復活為我們開通了一條道路，我們可以坦然無懼地隨時來到天父面前（希伯來書4章16節）。 -AMC

親愛的天父，

謝謝讓我們何時何事都能向傾訴。

我們為這特權心懷感恩，

因的獨生愛子耶穌的死與復活，為我們成就了這樣的事。

藉著禱告，我們可以隨時親近天父。

When i think about it. From my point of view... Prayer. What is prayer? Do we pray only when we are in need? Does our fallen, selfish mind seek out when we are in need? Do we count in the need to express thanks and gratitude as a need?

Anyway, regardless of whether we do or don't, I guess a further question for us is do we have times of happiness? Let me take things to a more personal level. I truly believe that there are moments in life of pure happiness, and even a life with endless joy for some. However, in my case, as in most people i guess, we tend to let bad things that happen cover over the good things that happened. Or at least, to a very unbalanced level.

For example: On a day when i won the lottery of a million dollars, it's ok to be caught in the rain. However, on a day when i "kena" whack by my boss, flowers in the garden or the breeze in the air don't really comfort me.

My point is that i heard at times people say, that the LORD has already blessed us with so many things, so many that we can live a life of unstopping praise to the LORD. So when something bad happend, it's not the end of the world, there are so many good things around us, be thankful for them, and they might just make your day a more cheerful one.

What is it that we are missing? Why do we slouch? Why do we not remember the JOY that the grace of God brings to us?

There is no golden bullet for this. Our whole life must indeed come together to weave a picture of us. I think we need to have faith in God. I think we need to seek and to listen to Him. I think we need to obey Him. I think we need to trust Him.

What happens when we don't? Will God mould us to someone who does? At the end of the day,yes, i do believe we will attain perfection, we will be sanctified, "at the end of the day". Now how? Or the more grammatically correct way to put it-- How about now then?

But at the end of today, i do find comfort. Some sort of peace that can let me rest, at least for a while, (until my unbelief and all other "un"s come up) that the LORD is indeed listening, and He is indeed working things out for me, and that He's so powerful and limitless that he is more than able to care for me personally. Our God is a great God indeed. Like a child, He lets me sleep in His arms. There will be a day when He will have to wake me up to learn, to live. But at this time, at 539pm Tuesday, 14th November 2006, i'm sleeping in His arms....

Thank You LORD for You. Mould me to be more obedient. Mould me to be more faithful to You. Mould me to trust in You more. Mould me to live a live that glorifies You.

In Jesus' Name. Amen.