It was a dark evening

It was afternoon, when i was talking to yan regarding my work and experiences. I realised that i was in a few helpless situation, since IA, fyp and now, work.

I remembered in IA when the code that i wrote was already not really working fine, and when it did, my teammate's code got revamped by an expert and then worked 100 times faster than mine.

Then came to fyp, when i was just given the area of research, and then, from understanding it, buying equipment, learning matlab, coming up with a proposal, getting results, it was all me alone. It was a struggle. It was hard.

And now, i've been handed this software development. Get a software out, with backend server functions. With no one to help. With a deadline to meet. And i don't even know how to use flash. The analogy i gave yan was "If you simply call anyone to make a chair, he must learn the skills of a carpenter first, then the talk about how the chair could look like will be meaningful". I'm not a carpenter, and i don't have carpenter friends to teach me.

Second thing that i told yan was the important of appreciation to me. I'm not a useless guy who did nothing right. I guess i do need a pat on the back when i get some things right. Or even 就算沒功勞﹐也有苦勞。

Then came the meeting with my boss. I could understand his frustration. It wasn't his fault, i guess the main things was miscommunication or something like that. I got his idea wrongly. Then i came to conclude that all the work done in the past month or so was as good as down the drain. I need to redo. I need to get things done fast.

It suddenly made me feel very, very sad. I couldn't eat, couldn't do anything anymore that night. went to bed at 10pm, a few streaks of tears fell down. Perhaps this's life. I kept thinking yesterday, how can God help me, or what does God want me to learn. I didn't think long actually, just a while, i wanted rest.

I guess i'm better today. I have to learn to come to terms to what i'm up with. And i really need to buckle up too. This incident still hurts, but it gave me some thing to ponder still, even now, to think of what God want me to learn, to grow, to even cling on Him more.