Have a Christmas...but what kind?

Firstly, it's been a long long time since my last post, but today, there's an urge for me to write this down.

It's regarding the message at today's Service. As you might know, Christmas is near, and i keep on thinking of how many would "celebrate" Christmas, joyfully, in a warm manner (it's not hard that a picture of Joseph, Mary and Jesus in a manger. However...

I guess it helps to know how dirty, and smelly and stinking a manger is. May i draw a comparison to some public toilets? And really, what Child is this? The King of Kings, LORD of Lords, to "downgrade" Himself, this is Love.

The tv is booming right now beside me. I don't have a hot drink beside me, no nice, soft music, in fact, my hosuemate is playing Need For Speed Most Wanted at my side. So i'm not flowing with tears now, but in my heart, i know...at least, yes, at least i know.

Thank You LORD. Amen.

今日反省

詩 篇 31:14-24 (Chinese Union Version (Traditional))
14 耶 和 華 啊 ， 我 仍 舊 倚 靠 你 ； 我 說 ： 你 是 我 的 　 神 。
15 我 終 身 的 事 在 你 手 中 ； 求 你 救 我 脫 離 仇 敵 的 手 和 那 些 逼 迫 我 的 人 。
16 求 你 使 你 的 臉 光 照 僕 人 ， 憑 你 的 慈 愛 拯 救 我 。
17 耶 和 華 啊 ， 求 你 叫 我 不 致 羞 愧 ， 因 為 我 曾 呼 籲 你 ； 求 你 使 惡 人 羞 愧 ， 使 他 們 在 陰 間 緘 默 無 聲 。
18 那 撒 謊 的 人 逞 驕 傲 輕 慢 ， 出 狂 妄 的 話 攻 擊 義 人 ； 願 他 的 嘴 啞 而 無 言 。
19 敬 畏 你 、 投 靠 你 的 人 ， 你 為 他 們 所 積 存 的 ， 在 世 人 面 前 所 施 行 的 恩 惠 是 何 等 大 呢 ！
20 你 必 把 他 們 藏 在 你 面 前 的 隱 密 處 ， 免 得 遇 見 人 的 計 謀 ； 你 必 暗 暗 地 保 守 他 們 在 亭 子 裡 ， 免 受 口 舌 的 爭 鬧 。
21 耶 和 華 是 應 當 稱 頌 的 ， 因 為 他 在 堅 固 城 裡 向 我 施 展 奇 妙 的 慈 愛 。
22 至 於 我 ， 我 曾 急 促 地 說 ： 我 從 你 眼 前 被 隔 絕 。 然 而 ， 我 呼 求 你 的 時 候 ， 你 仍 聽 我 懇 求 的 聲 音 。
23 耶 和 華 的 聖 民 哪 ， 你 們 都 要 愛 他 ！ 耶 和 華 保 護 誠 實 人 ， 足 足 報 應 行 事 驕 傲 的 人 。
24 凡 仰 望 耶 和 華 的 人 ， 你 們 都 要 壯 膽 ， 堅 固 你 們 的 心 ！

-----------------------------------------

以前多好啊

在苦难的当儿，人可能害怕、伤心、埋怨等心情。我呢？也许我不能够很清楚地述说苦难当中的我，但我的心里面，想的是：以前多好啊。

我这几年里，看了、想了、学了一些有关受苦的事情。很多人说了很多不一样的话。

有的说—苦难能够锻炼你
有的说—苦难能够让你学习更加依靠神
有的说—苦难能够让你认同他人的处境
有的说—苦难是多么真实，多么复杂，多么的能够使内心崩溃
有的说—苦难是生命这幅美丽的图画中比较暗的部分，是必需的，是让图画显得更美丽的。
你说呢？

我能从大卫王那里看看他怎么说吗？

他说— 我 仍 舊 倚 靠 你
他说— 我不喜欢苦难（求 你 救 我 脫 離 仇 敵 的 手 和 那 些 逼 迫 我 的 人）
他说— 我不喜欢让我苦的人(是这样吗？得看情况和程度把。求 你 使 惡 人 羞 愧 ， 使 他 們 在 陰 間 緘 默 無 聲 。 )
他说— 我要把我的焦点、目光放在 神那里。（耶 和 華 是 應 當 稱 頌 的--23 耶 和 華 的 聖 民 哪 ， 你 們 都 要 愛 他 ！ 耶 和 華 保 護 誠 實 人 ， 足 足 報 應 行 事 驕 傲 的 人 。。 然 而 ， 我 呼 求 你 的 時 候 ， 你 仍 聽 我 懇 求 的 聲 音 。 ）
他说— 我们要加油，继续持守。（凡 仰 望 耶 和 華 的 人 ， 你 們 都 要 壯 膽 ， 堅 固 你 們 的 心）

他真的这么说吗？=）


克服恐懼

讀經: 詩篇31篇14-24節
金句: 「耶和華啊，我仍舊倚靠你；我說：『你是我的上帝！』」（詩篇31篇14節）
全年讀經: 以斯拉記5-7章

很多人害怕坐飛機，甚至想到坐飛機就焦慮不安。美國恐懼症協會為這些人提供了幾項克服飛行恐懼的方法︰
．坐飛機前以及飛行途中，避免食用含糖及含咖啡因的食物和飲料。
．飛機起飛時，背部向後靠；肌肉放鬆。
．將你的恐懼程度從一到十分成十等分。盡量想些正面的事情，你將發現你的恐懼正在下降。
．深呼吸，雙眼緊閉，伸展手臂。
．在手腕上戴條橡皮筋，啪噠啪噠地撥弄橡皮筋，將令人不快的想法一個一個打破。

這五點都是好建議，但是我還要加上一個最重要的方法，可以用來應付所有的恐懼，那就是︰倚靠上帝。
在詩篇31篇中，大衛就是這麼做。他被人陷害，朋友背棄他，他的王位即將不保，死亡之日就在眼前。他卻在此時選擇宣告︰「耶和華啊，我仍舊倚靠你；我說︰『你是我的上帝』（詩篇31篇14節）！
當你害怕時，深呼吸或彈撥橡皮筋或許有幫助，但是絕對不要遺漏了克服任何恐懼最有效的方法，那就是效法大衛︰倚靠上帝。DCE

主啊！恐懼陰霾，

遮蔽了我的視線；

我流泪向你禱告，

呼求力量與光照。Wreford

治癒恐懼的藥方就是倚靠上帝。

今日反省

今日反思

在还没开始记录今日的灵修心得前，我必须说，我需要神的饶恕。今天早上等车的时候，在我前面一排，正站着我的老师。他虽然在看着报纸，没怎么注意我，但是，我就似乎故意的也拿起报纸来读，想要不跟人家打招呼。

我很奇怪吗？很没礼貌吗？我自己也这么觉得。可是，每当要跟人家打招呼时，总觉得有点儿想避开、隐身。也许这样已经作了一个不好的见证。

恳求主的赦免，原谅。让我再勇敢一点吧。（写到这里，自己也觉得有点哭笑不得，我还真的真的真的太没胆量了吧？）



婚姻的奇蹟

讀經: 馬太福音19章1-8節
金句: 「那人說︰『這是我骨中的骨，肉中的肉。』」（創世記2章23節）
全年讀經: 撒迦利亞書7-10章

當霍華德．薩俊（Howard Sugden）牧師為我們夫妻主持婚禮時，他強調我們倆正參與一項神蹟。我們相信牧師的說法，但並不瞭解這項奇蹟的工程竟是如此浩大；不僅使兩人在一起，更使兩人合而為一。
過了二十年之後，我才明白真正的神蹟不是結婚，而是婚姻。任何人都能夠結婚，但只有上帝能創造婚姻。
結婚的定義是「兩人全心全意或執意要結合在一起」。對某些夫妻而言，說他們是執意結合在一起，的確比說他們全心全意更貼切。
有人不願與配偶離婚，但上帝的作法更為美好︰祂要兩人合而為一。上帝要人的婚姻就像祂起初創造亞當和夏娃一樣（創世記2章21-24節）。 因此，當法利賽人試探耶穌，問︰「人無論什麼緣故都可以休妻嗎」（馬太福音19章3節）？耶穌回答︰「人要……與妻子連合，二人成為一體」（5節）。
一個人必須具備信心，方能做出承諾將自己的生命與另一人合而為一，而這種信心的背後實乃相信有神蹟做後盾。感謝上帝，祂是掌管婚姻的上帝。JAL
當你們在婚姻中順服主，當婚姻中有著上帝的愛；有情的人就能終成眷屬，沒有什麼能把你們分開。D. De Haan
兩個寬恕的心，合成一段美滿婚姻。
A happy marriage is a union of two good forgivers.


嗯，今天的灵修小品，很甜，很窝心。尤其是在英文版的最后一句。也许我还没达到结婚的阶段，不过，要两个人一起厮守终生，相信大家也知道是不容易的一件事情。

至于我呢，今天实在是有点儿没心情再写了。思路上有着writer’s block。 感觉上今天我只是在凑凑的写一些东西。好吧，就暂时到这里吧。

今日反思

今天，来一个新的尝试。这几天的思考中，想想我还能怎样使用我的博客，就想说要不然把灵修的反省与思考写上去吧。一来可以当作笔记，二来可以与人分享分享。

今日读了灵命日粮，就把它给摘在下面 (I don’t mind copy 在这里，反正空间是免费的)

橡樹的好處

讀經: 哥林多前書12章4-11節
金句: 「恩賜原有分別，聖靈卻是一位；職事也有分別，主卻是一位。」（哥林多前書12章4-5節）
全年讀經: 撒迦利亞書3-6章

在一次前往新世界的航行探險中，哥倫布發現一種特別的樹。它的果實如球一般有彈性。這種樹的印度名稱為caoutchouc，意思是「哭泣的樹」，因為它 分泌的樹汁晶瑩如淚珠。後來，有人發現若將這種樹汁收集起來並使之硬化後，可以製成擦鉛筆的橡皮，於是把這種樹稱為「橡樹」。
1830年代，又有人發現，去掉硫磺後，橡樹極耐低溫。這使得在汽車發明後，橡膠的需求大增。之後，又有人發現橡膠可製造成外科用手套。橡樹的用處何其多，只待人一一去發現。
同樣的，當我們想到聖經中關於屬靈恩賜的教導，我們可能會發現自己的屬靈恩賜不只一種。如果我們嘗試不同的服事，也許會發現自己竟然擁有一些以前不知道的能力。
不論你有何屬靈恩賜，皆是上帝所賜予的（哥林多前書12章4-6節）。何不試試不同的服事？或許你會發現新的屬靈恩賜呢！HDF
主啊！讓我能心甘情願，去探索賜給我的天賦；求讓我渴望使用恩賜，討喜悅去服事。阿們。
使用上帝給你的才能，就能發現你屬靈的恩賜。


歌 林 多 前 書 12:4-11 (Chinese Union Version (Traditional))

4 恩 賜 原 有 分 別 ， 聖 靈 卻 是 一 位 。
5 職 事 也 有 分 別 ， 主 卻 是 一 位 。
6 功 用 也 有 分 別 ， 神 卻 是 一 位 ， 在 眾 人 裡 面 運 行 一 切 的 事 。
其实单从字面上就不明白为什么会说：有分别—是一位， 这个对照。后来翻了英文的解释，从Amplified version 中有这么写道—
4Now there are distinctive varieties and distributions of endowments (gifts, [a]extraordinary powers distinguishing certain Christians, due to the power of divine grace operating in their souls by the Holy Spirit) and they vary, but the [Holy] Spirit remains the same.5And there are distinctive varieties of service and ministration, but it is the same Lord [Who is served].6And there are distinctive varieties of operation [of working to accomplish things], but it is the same God Who inspires and energizes them all in all.

7 聖 靈 顯 在 各 人 身 上 ， 是 叫 人 得 益 處 。
8 這 人 蒙 聖 靈 賜 他 智 慧 的 言 語 ， 那 人 也 蒙 這 位 聖 靈 賜 他 知 識 的 言 語 ，
9 又 有 一 人 蒙 這 位 聖 靈 賜 他 信 心 ， 還 有 一 人 蒙 這 位 聖 靈 賜 他 醫 病 的 恩 賜 ，
10 又 叫 一 人 能 行 異 能 ， 又 叫 一 人 能 作 先 知 ， 又 叫 一 人 能 辨 別 諸 靈 ， 又 叫 一 人 能 說 方 言 ， 又 叫 一 人 能 繙 方 言 。
11 這 一 切 都 是 這 位 聖 靈 所 運 行 、 隨 己 意 分 給 各 人 的 。

这段经文中，由我看来可说是在告诉我们说样样恩赐都是好的，都是从上帝而来的。（设想如果Agung 或 MM Lee 送你一份礼物，大部分人应该不管礼物是什么，都会很开心，感到很荣幸吧）。

可是，我们近期内所听到的确是说“神会使用你做很伟大的事情”“神要大大的使用我们—be the head and not the tail”等等的说法。是的，我觉得神会使用我们做很伟大的事情，不过，也许在世上，或在天上，是这事件本身显得伟大，而不会是我们显得伟大。我们应该为神的事工努力，忠心。也许我们不会成为世界级有名的基督教歌手(Hill Songs 或 赞美之泉) ，不过，这大使命本身，已经是世界级的任务，使命。绝对绝对伟大。

Thanks..

Hi, a short post here, just to thank Yew Hock for sending comments on this blog. Thanks. It has been an encouragement.

I'm not sure about the direction of this blog, currently it seems to be a bit chapalang to me, sometimes there is this 神箭兄弟，previously there was this 从前有个小孩, and at all times there are a few posts when i want to express my thoughts and feelings.

Do i blog with direction? let's just make this blog a story blog? or a capalang blog will be just fine? Anyway, just some thoughts.

Thanks again to Yew Hock =)

神箭兄弟 -- 4

原来鸟鸣村就是武士道三十多年前，在日本的最后一个基地。那里的人民各个都十分推崇及修炼武士道。其中，在武士道最旺盛的时期，每年都会有一万的年轻人奉献自己为皇帝的侍候者，即今日人所俗称的武士—samurai。

可是，这都已成了历史书上的一页了，三十年前，急进派的军队与武士们在鸟鸣村的最后战役中，把整个鸟鸣村给铲平了。话虽然这么说，但双方都是堂堂正正的君子们；当时急进派的藤原将军虽让武士道野比将军的军队全军覆没，还是很尊敬这位勇猛的首领。整个鸟鸣村，虽然都遭急进派用火给烧了，藤原将军还是把野比将军的故居原封不动的留下来。

xxx

从广里到鸟鸣村，一共需要半天的时间。血气方刚的年轻人，心里存着一份好奇，又想冒险的心，就立刻拔腿奔向鸟鸣村去了。

两人到达鸟鸣村时已经是傍晚时分，这三十多年来，一直都没有人来重建这里，深怕被误为武士道的一党，被官方给捉拿起来。三井和一君走着、走着，感慨着武士道的没落，真的，放眼望过去，都是一些野草，偶尔在天空有一两只的乌鸦飞过。。。但是，在望远一点，仿佛可见一间屋子。。

两人彼此瞪着对方一会儿—“那是野比将军的故居！”，便往那里冲过去了。

--续

注：本故事纯属虚幻，根本不会有雷同。历史，逻辑上的问题与错误请多多包含。若觉得本故事的用字，语法及编写上可改进，请发个帖子给本人。谢谢

Wilson's bar...the grey room

Ever had the feeling of being in-between? Grey people do. I guess i do too. But who are these Greyesians?

Greyesians are people who has been in BlackLand for too long a time, yet, realised that in their heart that they are from the White Kingdom, and longing to go there too.

To be sure, BlackLand is a place where people comes first. There are just so much benefits, tax cuts, high pay, cheap entertainment, the good life. The place where there are really money coming down from the sky. More and more people are migrating over to BlackLand, and with their everystrong population and increasing birthrate, BlackLand has become the world's standard for living the good life.

In contrast (a sharp one at that), the White Kingdom tells its citizens that they must work hard, and earn their living. No get-rich-quick scemes here, no liberty at times even, although the Governor stress that a life of dependance on the Government, perserverence, hardwork would eventually reward everyone, and eventually a ticket and passport to the Golden Highlands, where there are really streets of gold.

There are many who couldn't stand the way of life at the White Kingdom, and eventually would want to either migrate to BlackLand or to go there for a long vacation. On their journey over (or even the opposite, where people from BlackLand gives up their citizenship and migrates over to the White Kingdom), they have to stop at the grey room. Some stayed only for a short while, others longer.

Both worlds mix at the grey room, you can get a glimpse of both kingdoms. Some would remember and long for the days when they were at the BlackLand; while some would,driven by strong idealogy, be on their feet, ready to go over to the White Kindom. Most of the people, on the other hand, just couldn't make up their mind. Everything was so great at BlackLand, so nice, but somehow it seems that the people at the White Kingdom live lives fuller, happier, contented...

Welcome to the grey room. Which way are you heading?

help needed

Hi,
if anyone reading this post is finding for a place to stay/rent in the area of Chinese Garden, please contact me, i've got a friend who is leaving singapore and wanted to rent out his place.
Thanks.

神箭兄弟 --3

三井把那根东西一拿出来，一看，外面有着一张撕出来的字条，里面包着的竟是一把匕首。纸条上写着：

金田老将军：
很抱歉，在下无法守住鸟鸣村。刘源将军、花哲将军同我已经尽了力反抗西化部队的人。如今，花哲将军已经为了武士道殉道了，我的部队也已经被击败了。

刘源将军已经和他剩下的手足们逃离了，说，是要养精蓄锐，等待有一日可东山再起。

我只能以一死，来表明我对武士道的忠心和对您的辜负。。。

两人看了，都被吓得目瞪口呆；过了一会儿，一君他们回了神之后，彼此望着对方，说道：

我们一起到鸟鸣村那里去吧！

---续

神箭兄弟-2

中午休息吃饭的时候到了，一听到食堂传来的铃声，所有的同学们都一窝蜂的冲着过去。当时米饭都拿去当军粮，所剩下来的碎米，就拿来给学生们熬粥来吃。正当学生们在争先恐后的抢食物时，三井与一君一步一步慢慢的向后山的那个方向去。一见没人，就赶快的爬过了学校的后墙，向后山去了。他们这么容易逃脱，也不怪，所有年轻力壮，眼力好的老师们都当兵去了，剩下滕里小郎这七十岁的老校长和他的太太，哪儿能管得了那么多学生。

xxx

学校后山，简直是他们离开耕田的辛苦，找回一份童真的乐园。一君和三井拼命的跑啊跑啊，追着山上的野兔。正要抓到一只小兔子时，却让它躲进了它的穴里头去了。三井手一申，碰到的不是小兔子，而感觉呢，似乎像是一个棍子的东西。。。

xxx –续

神箭兄弟--1

在20世纪初，日本正在明治帝王统治之下，进行了如火如荼的改革，跟进，跟新。也因着科技发展的需要，日本向西洋国家们开放。在日本，明治帝王之下分成了倾向西洋的急进派与传统、拒绝西洋文化的武士派。更在明治帝王第七至第十二年间，发动了国内争战。最后，因着急进派先进的武器，把武士派的军队彻底的击败了。

现在，隔离那段暴动的日子，已有三十多年。日本真的繁荣起来了，东京，大阪，广岛都成了规模庞大的贸易城市。可是，就是在这个时候，日本加入了第二次世界大战。
xxx

二战开始的第一个春天的早晨，在北海道广里这小乡村里，一群初中生正往着学校里去。上学呢，并不是上课，而是耕田。那时每个人须为日本的战士们出一份力量，那年级比较小的，不可当兵的，就留下来，耕田、或到工厂里制造战争所需的一些器材。在上学的路途当中，两个好朋友，广弘一君与他的同学叶三井，拖着疲累的身体上学去耕田。

[一君啊，话说回来啊，这次的战争也不只什么时候才结束。]
[嗯，和平的日子，什么时候才到来呢？但是为了日本帝国的国土。。。]
[算了吧，我只是为了我这个累坏了的身体啊，我们什么时候才可以真正上课呢？]
[哈，你好歹也得等老师们从战场上回来啊！]
[一君啊，要不然我们今天呢，在吃午饭时，偷偷的溜走，到学校后山那里去抓野兔？]
[三井，这。。。好吧！到时候我们在见机行事吧！]

xxx --续

days of ASP.NET

I've been working on this ASP.NET web page for over the past week or so. It's a page that lets you search and view a collection of videos, based on channel, scenes and language. Being a rookie programmer, i guess it takes me extra time to do what is at hand.

Currently my schedule is something like 8am-10pm...i really need to get it done, and hope that it doesn't bother me anymore. Last night when i lie down on my bed, my mind was full of Labels, Images, Buttons, functions etc etc... took me a short while before i get to doze off.

Anyway, i hope to finish the functions by today, and clean up a bit tomorrow? and hopefully porting over to the server won't be such a big problem. Here's the template of the page, nothing much upfront, but this was 2 weeks ago.

friday afternoon

It's been a week of excitement, it's been a week of boredome. It's been a week of enlightment, it's been a week of questioning. Anyhow, weekend's here. Just a short memo for this week so far.

Boredome:

work has been bogging me down for the beginning of this week. Somehow just can't get into second gear for my research project. This Neural Network stuff is really getting on my nerves.

Excitement

However, i did get some rest on tuesday, taking a day off, for my SPR application. Really solid rest. Steady.

Got down working on a website, that shows and searches video clips. Interesting. I'm still working on it, probably will be up by next week i suppose, considering that i might not work on week ends.

Thanks to Jeff' for posting a comment. Really :) Actually i've read a few biographies, (angela's ashes, falling leaves, my life as mcdull.. haha..) so i was thinking hey, maybe i could write something too. That's how the 从前有个小孩series got started (hope to have more of them coming soon) but then feel that writing skill still not polished enough. Your comment doesn't polish up my writing skill, nor does it make the story more exciting/interesting; but you sure made me smile. Thanks again.

Questioning

I've been thinking about this whole blog issue. I mean it's nice to have a place to write something, and when it's read by people, people can relate to. However, come to think of it, i got a picture in my mind, a picture of a teenager, shouting out "我有话要说!!". Sometimes it's too self centred. A little bit i guess.

enlightment

Things that are enlightend aren't exactly that easy to express in words, aren't they? ;)

rememberence

31st of August. Tahun ini adalah tahun ke-5 saya tidak merayakan hari kebangsaan negaraku di tanahnya. Walaupun hanya sejauh satu jambatan, namun, perasaan merdeka lebih nyata dalam hatiku buat sekarang. Mungkin perpisahan dengan tanah airku membuat aku lebih kuat menginati aku ini anak Malaysia.

Selamat Hari Kebangsaan.

(ampun maaf ya, setahu kawan-kawan sekalian, 'dah 5 tahun tidak bertutur dalam bahasa Malaysia. Dah tentulah penggunaan bahasa ku merosot.)

从前有个小孩（二)

那，这小孩以前呢，因为爸爸妈妈都得到外地去工作，所以呢，就托外婆一家人来照顾。小时候，大概到我5岁大吧，都是与婆婆，公公，大姨，二姨，舅舅一起度过的。小时候的天真，无邪；真好。小时候并没有像许多名人，过的很苦、很惨。

记得小时候时常跟着外婆到万山（福建话为ban3 san1,即巴杀、菜市场）去，然后呢，我就会要我的婆婆在报摊那里给我买小叮当。（那时候的孩子真好，都知道小叮当，现在也不知道日本为什么强制性把它改称多拉a梦）记得那时候小朋友们只看两种漫画：小叮当，老夫子。而且，小本的只卖一块钱。

小时的回忆。。我下回再写吧。。。今天很累。。很累

is anyone looking?

Call me an attention seeker, but, i'm wondering, is anyone looking?

Anyways, if you have come across this post, or even this page, drop me an sms, will you?

从前有个小孩。。。

从前有个小孩，他说“我以后长大了，要当医生。要帮那些可怜的病人医病。” 那坐在他隔壁的小同学就抢着说“我呢，以后长大了，要当警察。要把所有的坏人抓起来。” 接着，有着许许多多的小朋友们，各自说了自己的志愿：老师，工程师，护士，消防员等等。

到了最后一个小朋友时“老师，我以后要在街边买汉堡包。因为这样，我就可以有好多好多的汉堡包吃了。” 。。。

这个小朋友今年二十三岁了。汉堡包的梦想呢？应该算是放弃了吧。 大家好， 我是徐世明。。。

「似乎憂愁，卻是常常快樂的。」（聖經哥林多後書六章 10 節）

(this text is in traditional chinese, it's a devotional that i read yesterday. have a read, really.)

　憂愁是很美麗的，她的美麗是月光的美麗。她的歌聲好像夜鶯的鳴聲，她的目光帶著並不期望快樂的神情。她能夠與哀哭的人同哭，卻不能與快樂的人同樂。
　　快樂也是很美麗的，她的美麗是夏晨的美麗。她的目光含蓄兒童時代的歡笑，她的頭髮受著日光的閃射。她的歌聲像百靈鳥的歌聲一般翱翔雲上，她的腳步是一個從來不知道失敗的得勝者的腳步。她能夠與一切快樂的人同樂，卻不能與哀哭的人同哭。
　　憂愁沉思著道：「我倆是決不能合作的了。」
　　快樂說：「是啊！決不能了。我的道路是在充滿陽光的草場上，玫瑰為我開著芳香的花朵，山鳥和畫眉為我唱著歡樂的情歌。」
　　憂愁徐徐轉過身去說道：「我的道路在黑暗的森林中的。但是世上最甜蜜的詩歌 ── 深夜的情歌 ── 卻是屬於我的。再會，快樂，再會吧。」
　　在她說話的時候，她們覺得有一個人體立在她們旁邊；雖然看不清楚是誰，卻知道是一位君王，她們跪倒在祂面前，感覺非常懼怕。
　　憂愁輕聲說道：「我看祂一定是快樂的王，因為祂頭上戴著許多冠冕，手上和腳上帶著勝利的釘痕。我在祂面前，一切憂愁都化為不熄的愛和歡樂了， 我願意把我自己奉獻給祂。」
　　快樂低聲說道：「你錯了，憂愁，我看祂是憂愁的王，祂頭上戴著的冠冕是荊棘的冠冕，祂手上和腳上帶著的釘痕是痛苦的傷痕。我也願意把我自己永遠奉獻給祂，因為有祂同在的憂愁，一定比我所知道的快樂更加甘甜。」
　　她倆同聲歡呼說道：「這樣，我們在祂裡面乃是一體，只有祂能將快樂和憂愁合成一體。」
　　她倆手牽著手同在世上跟隨祂走 ── 有時在風雨中，有時在陽光中，有時在冬日的凜冽中，有時在夏日的溫暖中 ── 「似乎憂愁，卻是常常快樂的。」 ── 選

Things i wanted to write...

Been wanting to post something up, in fact, a few things actually. I'll just make a note here.

1. People at the Sniah Boey market: as the saying goes, at the Sniah Boey market (an old market, partially demolished now i guess, at penang), you can find all sorts of people. "Sniah Boey ban san hamic lang pun oo". These few years have been years of observations too, for me, and there are many many types of people whom i've met, and i do think i've lots to learn from them. Not necessary legends, but they do have gold in them.

2. What about the poor? : a recent Bible Study/ Sunday School teacher (lessons still ongoing), Mr Daniel Soh, repeated the message : remember the needy and the poor. I've also been struggling with this issue, what could we do? what should we do? what is our stand? maybe by writing my thoughts out, would i then be able to iron them.

3. People like me: who am i? what am i like? i guess there's a fair number of people whom i can relate to, and who can relate to me too. People who fail, people who cling to faith, people who doubt, people who cared for others only in their hearts, but not by action, people who succumb to temptations, people who wanted to be a better person.... simply, people.

I hope i can write these down here. (sometimes i dreamed of being an author; but i dream almost every other night).

I read sad stories...

I'm not sure when i started to become a reader of sad stories (i tried using the phrase "lover of sad stories", but felt it sounded a bit masochistic). Probably it started when my brother brought back a copy of the book "The Color Purple" by Alice Walker. Here's a bit about the story from wiki:

The Color Purple is an epistolary novel: that is, the book is written in the form of letters. The central character is Celie, a young woman who is sexually abused by her father (who, she later discovers, is her stepfather) and is forced to marry a widower with several children, who is physically abusive towards her.
When her husband's mistress, singer "Shug" Avery, comes on the scene. Initially, Celie feels threatened by this effervescent, liberated version of feminity - a form that has previously been alien to her.
Like "Mr-", Celie's husband, Shug has little respect for Celie and the life she lives at first and continues in her lover's footsteps, abusing Celie and adding to her humiliation.
In time, however, the two women bond, and Celie gradually learns what it means to become an empowered woman in her own right, through both sexual and financial emancipation and she finds the strength to leave her tyrannical husband.

This happens to be my first "introduction" to sad stories, more follows suit, such as "Angela's Ashes", "'Tis", "Falling Leaves", "青青河边草","Disappointment With God"....

Not a very large collection, but i guess it's good; a good way for me to connect to people from another side of the world, people from the other end of the weighing scale, those stricken, trodden, and cast out. It doesn't need to have a happy ending, nope, not all stories (fiction or non fiction) have happy endings.

Do they teach me to be more thankful? Probably.

But i guess it's more of a sad feeling, that keep me clinging to the books at time.

Ok, more or less for this post, write to me? I'll see what i can remember of the rest of the books, and maybe post them up later on.

Wilson's Bar: Back in business

I remembered the days when i used to listen to alot of jazz music. Just loved the feeling of chillin' out, coolin' down. The ambience, the darkness, the smoothness...

Well, that's part of the reason why i named my msn name to be Wilson's Bar. But it has closed down since the day i came to CeMNet. i'm forced (sort of) to change my nick name back to my real name, i have to face the light again.

There are many many things running thru my mind these few weeks since my last post. My mind is swirling, i'm shaken, but not stirred i hope.

Anyways, it's a good feelin' to be back online, writing something again.

of books, paper and wood

Been doing some reading lately, in fact, most of my days are spent reading. Whether i understand them or not is another matter althogether.

The stuff that i'm reading currently? I'll try to list some down, and what i've learned from them

1. Papers, Presentations, Lecture Slides on "relevance feedback and multimedia" : This is supposed to be my masters area of research. The whole idea behind this is that when you search for something online (via google or some other search engines, using text, images or otherwise), there are bound to be search results that are not relavent to you. So what relevance feedback does is actually to provide the user with a way to "rate" the results as either "relevant", "irrelevant" or "neutral" and thus providing the search engine with more idea on what the user wants.
   on a whole it seems quite ok, my own interest level? i'll rate it as 6 out of 10. Papers wise? can't really understand much, and more time needed i guess, to come up with something new.
   
2. Papers, Presentations, Lecture Slides on "Semantic Web and multimedia" : i'm supposed to be in a meeting for this research group. and i don't know a thing about it. So i started to read about it yesterday, and boy, how sleepy it was (i still am), too abstract, too deep, too conceptual. The meeting's at 3pm today, so i better get some coffee before i go in.
   
3. The Bible : been trying to make it a habit to read the Scriptures every morning. I guess i'm trying it out in chronological order. Currently with the Israelites in exile to Babylon. These past few days (or weeks) of reading has been about God punishing and punishing the Israelites for all their wrongdoings. Why? Why do we need to be beeten? to be cast out from our place? why?
   Isort of come to realise that sometimes, it takes God to strip us from all our abilities, strength, power, to enable us to return back to Him. Sometimes the phrase 人的尽头，神的开始 is very true indeed.
   How many times have we been wrestling with God? How many times have we been taking charge of all our live? I don't even need to count, it's almost "everytime", except... except those times when we are sick, stressed out, troubled, fearfull.
   Only when the boat rocks, do we cling to it more and more.
   
4. Purpose Driven Life: a popular book no doubt, which made me think twice before reading it (the cynic within me says that no good thing is so good). To be honest i really wanted a change, and when something promises a change, i do want to try.
   The book isn't perfect, but it does contain much spiritual insights. We should be thoughtful and careful when reading it. I remembered a few things...
   "The problem with a living sacrifice is that it can climb down the altar"
   The five purposes are worship, fellowship, to become more Christlike, service and mission.
   
   at least, the book tries to be God centred, instead of me-centred..
   
5. It's not about Me : a devotional book by Max Lucado, urging us to be more God centric and less me centric. The way to do it is to ponder on Him more and more.
   
   i guess we need a dose of this book. It's just too much about me, me, me. I'm sick of it too. thinking of this problem from the perspective of my Christian Fellowship. There are a few camps of people:
   
   1. people who put studies first (we should i guess). However, the problem lies where by what do we do with out studies? Do we glorify God with out studies? When can we glorify God with our studies? I guess sometimes it's more of a self standard that we have set--"i cannot get lower then a B", "i'm the top student of the class and must stay that way".
   Ask them about how to glorify God with their studies? i'm not sure about their answers.
   
   2. people who enjoys the CF. This is good i guess, but it happens to be another end of the extreme. Some people love the CF, it's just so much fun to them, Birthday parties, Sister's day, Brother's day, football sessions... i can feel the love. But what happend to the Word of God?
   
   May God help us. to grow each day, day by day, thru Jesus, our hope, our saviour and our way.
   
6. Knowing God: a book by J.I. Packer. Whoa... this one is a deep, hard book to read. Still at the front few pages, need some time before i have something to write about it.
   
7. Straits Time, CNN, Zaobao, Soccernet: not to forget to keep up with some news. although sometimes all i read is the comics and entertainment section (tsk tsk...)

More or less, i guess. Read anything nice lately? tell me, share with me.

Frustration -> headache

Frustration leads to headaches... that's what i' m feeling currently. This funny VS.NET just stops functioning, and i can't get things to work.

I sort of check and re-checked, tried and re-tried a few times, but to no avail. sigh...

Hope things will be better soon, as i need to get the website done by today, 545 pm...and the time now is 5pm already.

Proverbs 16:3

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

Saw this verse on one of my friend's MSN messenger nickname. Well, i remember my Church Pastor talked a bit about this verse before, and it kept me thinking.

Dear friends, what will you think when you look at this verse? I'll give you a few examples, hey, i better follow the LORD, this has to be the way for my plans to succeed; hey, i think i have to commit to the LORD, doesn't the Bible says that those who commit will succeed?

I guess not all of us think in such a manner. However, i'm just trying to bring out a point here: You don't commit to the LORD because you want your plans to succeed, you commit because you have to, because you call Him your LORD. I guess the order of things in which people think might be a bit different. Anyway, it's a bit dangerous, possible point for the health and wealth ministry.

It's now 1:27pm and i'm in office now, doing nothing much, but have to really buckle up on that ASP.NET thing, the boss have not really given me any datelines yet, but i guess once he starts giving me, i won't be able to finish, if my programming skills are still at this level.

So i guess--That's All Folks!~!

Byes

The sicko strikes

It's 9:17 am, tuesday, had lots of sleep yesterday, partly because i'm sick, and partly because i took some pills that made me drowsy.

Anyway, it ain't the sickness that's bothering me, it's the "nothing-to-show-boss" that's bothering me. As i've been quite unproductive these few days, so, a bit scared that my "points" has dropped. It's the performance issue, i guess i'm a bit obsessed at getting the boss to like me. but anyhow, this asp.net, dhtml, javascript has been getting on my nerves, and i need help, real solid help.

I guess i need peace too, and that's more important. Maybe the LORD guide me thru this period, and may i also, give my best for him, to him.

Amen

Aren't there too many things to worry about?

It's 10:50 pm now, Sunday night, probably the date shown on the last post was some western time zone. Anyways, felt that there are too many things to worry, too many responsibilities.

Although Jesus said, "do not worry about tomorrow", but anticipation of tomorrow's event is indeed real. If i know that i'll be getting a pay rise tomorrow, won't i be happy today? Well, i could be happy first, and then of course you might say that i might be disappointed if the pay rise doesn't happen later on. But, isn't it the same? it's plain and easy to see that i cannot do anything when i worry, and it quenches the liveliness within me, but how do i overcome it? I guess there are many verses to tell me that, just that it sometimes seems not that close to me.

Work, relationship, things to learn, things to settle, people to meet, standards to keep and improve on, if i were to worry, it's either a long list of many small things, or a short list of a few big important matters. May i find peace in the LORD.

Well, i guess probably the concept of success is still in us. We tend to think that things ought to happen this way and that way; we have a picture in mind, and if the current situation doesn't match up, we worry, why isn't things happen as it's supposed to be? i though my work should be ok, that i should be able to handle the programming stuff, and have a good show to my boss, but coming face to face with a few books, each 500 pages thick, i'm not that sure where to start, how to start, or should i even start from step one?

Simple life, it's good, but how about responsibilities? shouldn't i care for people? shouldn't i provide? i remember last time when i went to the graduation camp organised by the Christian Fellowship, i said, one of my life aim is to be a provider, a provider of needs. And here i am, still trying to sort out my stuff. I guess it's needed for all these, ain't it so?

May the LORD help and guide us, and may He be our light, our lamp, our Way.

Amen

Friday, oh friday

It's a normal working afternoon, i'm now at the lab trying to get my first blog out. Well, at least for al l the hype and attention it's getting, i might as well try it out.

I came here primarily after reading up on the forum set up by Elder Yong, it's at stephentong.org and there was a really really lengthy discussion on is Jesus real? started by a non-believer. Well, arguments after arguments, views after views and points after points, finally she left the forum. I'm not sure about her condition currently, but i guess a brother is taking care of it, and his name is Hedonese (which i don't know what it means either).

So, hopefully this will be a place where by i can continue to posts my thoughts on things, reflections, questions and others. I've named it Wilson's Bar, not because i'm Wilson, just because i like the name. Sounds comfy, cozy with a nice ambience.

please do email me if you have anything to chat or talk with me. My email is suming82@yahoo.co.uk